A Muslim Wife

:(

2012-01-29T15:34:00.003-05:00

Bismillahir rahmanir raheem

Really miss my granddad. Thanks to those who recited surah fatiha or made dua for him... He passed away in his sleep very early this morning. To Allah we return. He was a great person and I miss him a lot... May Allah SWT pardon him and grant him jannah, ameen.

I have so many blog followers that I hope even just a few of you will take a moment to recite surah fatiha for him... I understand some may say that's bold to ask, but it is a small thing for me to type out that sentence. It would mean a lot. All we have and can offer are prayers. Makes me think of the transience of this world and what really is substantial in this world and the next.

Duas please

2012-01-17T13:01:00.001-05:00

Bismillah

Updating from my phone so will keep it short. Please please make dis for my grandfather who is dying and if you can take a moment to recite fatiha for him please. JazakAllah khair. I can't thank you enough.

Irada Arts Review

2012-01-13T20:19:00.003-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

I recently ordered and received a bunch of Islamic wall decals for my apartment. I got six decals in total, although doubles of some small ones I placed over doorways. I was initially worried about the ease of applying and removing the decals. After watching the Irada how-to video on YouTube, my husband and I embarked on our quest (lol). We were able to apply the larger ones in under 10 minutes and the small ones in under 5. Carefully seperating the decals from the backing is what took the most time. They're just stickers so removing them later will require simple tools and time.

Totally worth it. My son, who is two, tells everyone we painted them. I'm not sure why he says that but it cracks me up. I like that it offers the chance to talk about Allah subhanAllah wa ta'Ala with him. They offer that same chance with anyone else who enters my home- Muslim or not. Seriously. They all want to know what each one means and then the convos progress from there. Most importantly, I love waking up and seeing Allah's words as another constant reminder in my home. I can't get over how awesome the decals are, masAllah.

As for customer service, Irada is great They remained in contact with me and helpful throughout the ordering and shipping process. I had no problems and never felt like I was getting anything other than good service.

I plan on framing the larger decals because I think it will look better considering where they are, but here are a few pics of them without frames. If you want to see the decals framed, they have pictures on their website and FB. The above picture is in my living room up above the couch. I will try to post better pictures of it when it's framed inshAllah. The others are above doorways, in my dining area, and on a column near my front door. I was most excited about putting "Verily in the rememberance of Allah do hearts find rest," over my children's bedroom door. I always wanted that in the nursery!

PS- About vlogging, I did post a video but took it down almost immediately because it was awful. My wee ones were sleeping and I was trying to stay near them but whisper so just took it down. I will consider doing one in the future but really I didn't feel too comfortable doing it. Apologies!

Vlogging on YouTube

2011-12-24T15:10:00.006-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

I will be starting a YouTube channel for this site in order to be able to better fit it into my busy schedule inshAllah. Trial run will be under the name ColoredLullabies if you are interested. Tomorrow I'll link it in a new post, need to redo it :( ). First I will just go over a few posts in the vlogs because I am soooo not a public speaker type person and have my own doubts about how this will go. It'll help me not freak out as much while I'm trying to record. In all probability I'll suck so bad I have to return to regular blogging.

ALSO, I'm not a niaqbi but I am a private person, so I will be wearing niqab in my posted videos. Please do not reveal my identity to everyone else if you know me from the videos ;)

JazakAllah khair.

Bigotry

2011-12-13T07:51:00.002-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

I'd venture to say that all of you reading this have experienced discrimination in your life. When I started wearing hijab, I faced a lot of hatred myself. I live in the "bible belt" of America, so I expected it to some extent.

If you haven't heard about twelve major companies, like Estee Lauder, Lowes and McDonalds, giving into such hate, you need to. Recently a fringe hate group (a church in FL) furiously petitioned the TLC show "All American Muslim." Why? They said the show was "propaganda" because it made Muslims look normal intest of like the terrorists we apparently are.

Sign the petition protesting this as well!

FB Page Boycotting Lowes and giving info.

E-Mail at least a few of these 50 CEOs to Protest

Twitter for boycott group

Vote the company was wrong to pull the ads bc they did so to pacify a fringe hate group

And, finally... Most importantly... The petition! Please sign and forward it!

Oops.

2011-12-12T19:59:00.001-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

...

I don't even like pink.

UGH!

Aushak- Prepping, Part 1

2011-11-20T19:17:00.009-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Aushak is an Afghan dish. Seasoned scallion-filled dumplings are boiled and topped with two sauces; one is a tomato meat sauce, the other a garlicky yogurt sauce. Before being served, aushak is sprinkled with dried mint. YUM! It's the first Afghan dish I learned to make since it's my husband's favorite... I wouldn't describe it as difficult, but filling the dumplings is time-consuming. Usually I prepare and freeze them so I can make aushak easily later on.
In Afghanistan, gandana is used instead of green onions or leeks. Some Asian stores will carry gandana (marketed as Asian leeks) here in the U.S. However, my mother-in-law uses green onions so I do as well. I have heard of methods to make the leeks taste more like gandana... But in effort to keep the post simple, I'm just going to include a few pictures of what you need to do before filling the dumplings, inshAllah...

What You'll Need for the prep:
*Salt
*4 bunches of scallions
*Chili powder
*1 package of wonton wrappers (I'm way too busy with a baby and toddler to make them from scratch)
*One plastic zip-lock baggie (optional)

What You'll Need for the Entire Dish (in addition to the above):
*Pepper *Cumin *Garlic powder *Onion Powder *Ground coriander seed
*1 medium sweet onion, finely diced
*8 oz tomato sauce
*1 lb ground beef
*Oil... for cooking the ground beef
*Plain yogurt
*Minced garlic (for seasoning the yogurt and meat sauces)
*Dried mint (to top the yogurt)

Pic of the wontons I use (other ones I've tried suck):

I season to taste, so here's a pic of the chopped & seasoned scallions below. If it tastes too salty for my taste here I just don't add any salt in the meat/yogurt sauces. Only chili powder and salt season the filling.
Above is what you should start to see after mixing the filling (juices). I leave it overnight in the fridge. If you don't wanna wait, use your knuckles to soften the seasoned scallions until they are wilted... It's less messy in the bag. I keep a few whites of the scallions in the mix b/c I like it.

Four bunches of scallions makes this much (above). In this pic, the filling has only been mixed, not rested overnight.

MIA

2011-10-23T16:14:00.002-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Salam everyone :) I haven't posted in awhile, I knowww. I'm in the process of moving so everything is busier than usual. Once that is complete I hope to update a bit more, inshAllah... I was wondering what posts you wanted to see. I am trying to re-commit to the whole blog topic (A Muslim Wife, derr).

Remember I'm writing from the perspective of a convert happily married to an Afghan man, who is both a student and stay-at-home mom. That means I'm not going to be so adept at writing about adjusting in a Desi household or balancing working full-time and my wifely "duties." Just warning! Otherwise you will see some ridiculous posts! :P

Wifely Duty?

2011-08-21T09:12:00.006-04:00

Bismillah

Unfortunately culture permeates into religious practices all too often. During Ramadan this proves no different. Wives are often expected to fix special meals for the family to break fast with (called iftars). Instead of focusing on Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, she's often slaving away in the kitchen half the day. Ridiculous! It's almost ironic... Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala has granted us this holy month of Ramadan as a great blessing, in which we obstain from that which would distract us from that gift. Yet women are often guilted/bullied out of their full ability to take advantage of them by one of the very things they're obstaining from.

All of you ladies out their being forced into such a situation, please don't negate the wonderful spiritual opprotunites of Ramadan for such nonsense. Who cares what people might say or whose feathers you might ruffle. You're gaining much more, inshAllah.

That said, I actually usually enjoy preparing iftar. More than any other time of the year, I find myself happiest making dinners during Ramadan. There is just something about everyone so eagerly looking forward to your food!

For those of us preparing iftars this Ramadan, this should bring a smile to your face inshAllah:

It might also prove useful as a "thank you" note for a hosted iftar, or a nudge to your husband or child to take over the cooking one night!

Eid Decorations

2011-08-20T17:00:00.005-04:00

Bismillah

So I finally started my decorations for Eid, yay! I wasn't sure I'd get to do them with all that has been going on, but alhamduliah I made time to at least put up streamers and a few signs. I'm a shortie so putting up the streamers meant conquering my fear of heights. In the end I just put an ottoman atop a chair, aaah! I finished by cutting out some stars, writing each family members name on one, then attaching them to a pendant with some gold ribbon. Pretty easy and nothing really special to be frank, but it made me feel productive! :) My 2 am adventureeee.
~*~
InshAllah I will try and decorate a little bit more and send out our Eid Mubarak cards in a few days. It's the first time we're really doing this stuff for Eid but I think we'll try to keep it up, inshAllah... It's really made the whole thing even more fun for me already.
ANYWAY, I hope all of you have been enjoying your Ramadan. I found some adorable little Ramadan booklets to print out for my son I really liked... You can find it on this blog. He hasn't really grapsed Ramadan yet but I enjoy trying to convey what it's about, lol.

Speaking of blogs!! Have you seen this amazing, amazing, amazingggg blog for reading Quran to kids?

CLICK!! Or check out their FB Page: "Read With Meaning."

I wish I had lego skills too! It's inspired me soo much, masAllah. May Allah SWT bless them for their efforts, ameen.

Hadith & Dua

2011-08-14T10:24:00.003-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

The Hadith:

T h e D u a :

Oh Allah!

Bless me with his affection, love and acceptance of me;

and make me pleased with him,

and bring us together in the best form of union and

absolute harmony;

submissive to Your word.

Ameen.

Ramadan Mubarak

2011-07-31T12:06:00.003-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Ramadan Mubarak everyone! I hope you all enjoy the month and make use of its blessings, inshAllah. I always get so excited thinking of this chance for spiritual revival. Ramadan can sometimes act like that needed slap in the face to wake me up :) Remember that this world is transient; a test for the real one ahead.

This is my first "family style' Ramadan really, so my major goal besides self-improvement is emphasing Ramadan and Islam for my child, getting everything ready for iftars and suhoor, etc. Keep us in your duas, please. Hoping on making Eid special as well, inshAllah (I think most of us in Western countries would agree it's hard to make Eid very special).

Anyway, Ramadan Mubarak to all! Good luck and may Allah SWT accept all your fasts, ameen.

day 1

2011-04-06T04:56:00.006-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

(an oldie i used on an ancient post)

10 Facts:

1 i could live off of tomato sandwiches and pears (yummmy)

never been out of the US

i have had my adenoids removed

i love trees, wisteria and tiger lilies

my favorite poem is "the love song of j. alfred prufrock"

i read every mythology book in my school's library during elem. school

as a child, i wanted to be an anthroplogist

i dislike talking about people i love casually... imo they're beyond idle talk

i'd rather give myself a needle than allow someone else to

my favorite surah of the Quran is surah tawkeer <33

(spacey formating is driving me nuts, ugh)

30 Day Photo Challenge

2011-04-05T15:37:00.006-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

I saw the 30 Day Photo Challenge on the lively 'Mama I Married a Masri' blog (link on sidebar), and decided to play along. I don't post about anything anymore so why not :) I tried putting the calender below but the fortmatting is being strange, so scratch that... I'll post my first 'day' later or tomorrow, inshAllah.

Excerpt on Lowering the Gaze

2011-03-03T11:55:00.001-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Here's a chapter from a book I'm reading titled, "Latern of the Path." I think it's a great reminder for everyone, inshAllah. I have written about this topic previously (the masturbation and adultery posts come to mind immediately), so I will just post the excerpt alone for now. I'm busy reading some books right now (aaaah, a little free time, thank you Allah SWT!) so I'm sorry my posts have been so lackluster lately.

Excerpted from here
"There is nothing more gainful than lowering one's gaze, for the sight is not lowered from things, which Allah has forbidden unless the witnessing of majesty and glory has already come to the heart.
The Commander of the Faithful was asked what could help in lowering one's gaze. He said, 'Submission to the power of Him Who is aware of your secret. The eye is the spy of the hearts and the messenger of the intellect; therefore lower your gaze from whatever is not appropriate to your faith, from whatever your heart dislikes and from whatever your intellect finds repugnant.'

The Holy Prophet said, 'Lower your eyes and you will see wonders.'

Allah said,
قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَلِكَ أَزْكَى لَهُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ

Say to the believing men that they cast down their looks and guard their private parts. (24:30)

‘Isa [a] said to the disciples, 'Beware of looking at forbidden things, for that is the seed of desire and leads to deviant behaviour.'

Yahya [a] said, 'I would prefer death to a glance which is unnecessary.'

'Abdallah ibn Mas'ud said to a man who had visited a woman while she was ill, 'It would have been better for you to lose your eyes than to have visited your sick person.'

Whenever the eye looks at something forbidden, a knot of desire is tied in the person's heart, and that knot will only be untied by one of two conditions: either by weeping out of grief and regret in true repentance, or by taking possession of what one desired and looked at. And if a person takes possession unjustly, without repentance, then that will take him to the Fire.

As for the one who repents of it with grief and regret, his abode is the Garden and his destiny is Allah's favour. "

Another great read, titled "Islamic Family Ethics," which I'm enjoying can be found here. Lots of hadith and verses from the Quran on marriage and family life are naturally discussed. Easy to read format, too :)

Dua for a Sick Sister

2011-03-02T16:33:00.002-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Just sharing what's on the events page in hopes all will make dua for her and her family inshAllah.

"In the past couple of weeks, Rehab's health has deteriorated rapidly. She began a 26-day round of chemotherapy but had to stop at the 6th day because of her low blood platelet count.
We took Rehab to Memorial Sloan in NYC yesterday and learned that there are a numbers of tumors in her brain, and one may be cutting off fluids. The doctors are unsure whether they should operate. They are not confident that this procedure will give... Rehab very much time. Wallahu a3lam."

Rehab is a fighter and we know she is struggling to get better, but at this moment we want everyone to pray for her collectively, as we know and believe in the immense power of pleading and calling upon our Lord for one another as His humble servants.

We know that prayer (dua) is the instrument of the believer. A hadith reminds us that, "The supplication that gets the quickest answer is the one made by one Muslim for another in his absence." We are asking everyone to make make dua for Rehab's health. We can only ask Allah for the best outcome.

Ameen ya rabbil alameen.
Please invite your friends and continue to pray.

Some recommendations:

Surat Yassin
Surat Al Anfal
General Dua for the sick

Please check back here if you would like to be updated about Rehab's condition. We will post information when we receive it from the family."

Animals...

2011-03-02T00:12:00.004-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

There seem to be SO many misconceptions about animals among Muslims. Personally, I see culture as the culprit for most of them. For this post I'll try and focus on just one animal related subjects: cosmetics that have been tested on animals. Later I'd like to post about halal zabiha, etc. InshAllah we'll just focus on what Quran and hadith have to lend to both topics.
Cosmetic Testing on Animals:

Let me just give you a quick run-down on the subject. It began in 1933 after a woman applied a product named Lash Lure, went blind from the dye it contained and later died from related complications. This got the FDA to pass a cosmetic guideline saying companies needed to test their products appropiately, blah blah blah. Animal testing has never been mandated by the FDA.

That Testing Today...
Fast forwarding to our day and age, three states in the U.S. have banned animal testing for cosmetics. The U.K. and the European Union have also done so... the E.U. (in my opinion) has taken some awesome measures.

Basically, there are three types of testing done on animals for cosmetics... Draize skin test, Draize eye test, and the lethal dose test (what dosage kills 50% of the test subjects). Pain medications for these animals is believed to "interfere" with the test results.
There are feasible alternatives to each, and they are accurate in addition to being way cheaper in some instances. These alternatives don't involve animals, which undergo painful testing in all aforementioned tests (then are killed if they survive so all may undergo autopsies, etc). An example of possible alternative for one test (the Draize eye test -- which tests on rabbits who have a differing cornea structure than ours plus have insufficent tear ducts) costs around $1,000 compared to it's alternative Eyetex that's under $100.

BTW, the fact that rabbits have insufficent tear ducts means the what's applied to their eye to test irritiability hurts all the more b/c they can't get it out. Especially b/c they are generally constricted in stocks (restraining devices) during the test... Some break their necks trying to get out, actually. Yet comparisions between human volunteers and rabbits have shown the test results produced with rabbits is way off... and just reaffirm rabbits are much, much more sensitive to the tests. Duh, the cornea is one of the most sensitive tissues!
Back on Point...
Let's not get into the cost of it and stick to the ethical aspect of these tests. Does it seem likely that Islam would back or oppose such treatment of animals? Remember, I'm talking about animal testing for cosmetics. Testing that has viable alternatives. If you're feeling lukewarm on the subject still somehow, read more about the tests. I garuntee you'll see how serious animal testing is (yes, for all three tests). Now let's go over a few verses and hadiths inshAllah.

Why?

It's our responsibility to avoid products which are a product of, and indirectly enable, such treatment of Allah SWT's creations. How's it our 'responsibility'? Allah SWT made us superior to animals in that we're given a sort of free will. So creating animals to torture and kill for cosmetic products they will neither use or derive benefit from, and we do not need, is totally wrong.

Take a Look at a Few Hadiths:
***
The Messenger of Allah said:
"A man walking along a path felt very thirsty. Reaching a well he descended into it, drank water to fill and came out, then he saw a dog with its tongue hanging out, trying to lick up mud to quench its thirst. The man said to himself that the dog was feeling the same extreme thirst as he had felt a little while ago. So he descended once more into the well, filled his leather hosier with water and came up holding it by his teeth and gave the dog a drink. Allah appreciated the act of this man and forgave his sins."
The Holy Prophet was asked: 'Messenger of Allah, are we rewarded for kindess towards animals as well?'
He said:
"There is a recompensation for kindess to every living things."

***
'A good deed done to a beast is as good as doing good to a human being; while an act of cruelty to a beast is as bad as an act of cruelty to human beings' and that: 'Kindness to animals was promised by rewards in Life Hereafter.' (Mishkat al-Masabih; Book 6; Chapter 7, 8:178.)

***

It was narrated from Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah that a donkey whose face had been branded passed by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), and he said, “May Allah curse the one who branded him.”

SubhanAllah, there are countless other hadiths out their about treating animals kindly. It's easy to surmise torturing and killing them for a cosmetic is wrong (inshAllah). I think Quran 80:28-32 beautifully makes it clear Allah SWT has made the wonderful things of this earth for both humans and animals to enjoy (ENJOY being the key word, people).

Faith & Marriage should go hand-in-hand

2011-03-01T09:16:00.006-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

"A two rak'at prayer that a married person establishes is worthier than when a bachelor keeps up prayers at nights and fasts during the days."
-- The Holy Prophet [PBUH],

Man La Yahduruhul Faqih, vol. 3, p. 384

(also in Bihar-ul-Anwar, vol. 103, p. 217)

MasAllah.

Imam Musa ibn Ja'far [a] narrated from his father [a] from the Holy Prophet [s] who said: "However much the Faith of a man increases, his regard for women increases."
--Bihar-ul-Anwar, vol. 103, p. 228

Why? Sincere faith equates to righteous behavior. That simple.

A few Ideas to Nuture Your Faith Together:

*Find a verse from the Quran or hadith that you think best represents your marriage. Remind yourself of it constantly by framing it for display in your home, engraving it in your wedding band, or even making it a welcome message on your phone if you're able.

"...then strive together (as in a race) towards all that is good."

-Quran 31:20

*Learn Together-- Read Quran together and dicuss what you've read weekly. Christians often call these little lessons (sometimes consisting of just a sentence) "devotionals." I think it's a great idea we can implement as Muslims, too. Other ideas include listening to Quran recitations together, working on Surah memorizations, holding family halaqas, and of course attending the mosque together.

Allah SWT said:

If you never felt pain or experienced problems, how would you know I'm the Healer?;

If you never made a mistake, how would you know I'm the Forgiver?;

If you were never hurt, how would you know I am the Comforter?

If your life was perfect, then why would you need Me?

-Hadith Qudsi

*Work to improve your relationship with Allah! Faith can and should lend a sturdy, supportive foundation to your marriage. The first step is solidifying that foundation by working on your personal relationship with Allah. Your spouse can always help, inshAllah :)

Add your tips in the comment section for others to benefit.

Surah Ikhlas Campaign

2011-02-25T14:22:00.003-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

ShiaSisters.net is hosting a Surah Ikhlas campaign. I love it, and am happy to see a few other campaigns going on elsewhere. Here's the information for this one for those interested in participating! May Allah SWT bless all your efforts, ameen.

Rabiul Awwal/Akher 1432 Surah Ikhlas Campaign

The holy Prophet (s) is narrated to have said in a tradition: "Is there anyone of you unable to recite one third of the Qur'an in one night"? One of his listeners asked: "O Messenger of Allah! Who is able to do that"? The Prophet (s) said: "Recite 'Say: He, Allah, is One! (Sura Ikhlas)".

Please join us in the months of ‘Rabi’ as we, following the hadith of our beloved Prophet , recite Surah Ikhlas and gain the thawab of reciting a third of Quran with every recitation!

Surah Ikhlas (Monotheism)
No. 112 (1-4 verses)
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ
اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ
لَمْ يَلِدْ وَلَمْ يُولَدْ
وَلَمْ يَكُن لَّهُ كُفُوًا أَحَدٌ

Qul Hu-walaahu Ahad
Allahus-Samad
Lam yalid, wa lam yuulad
Walam yakul-la-Huu kufuwan ahad

In The Name of Allah, The Beneficient, The Merciful
1. "Say: He, Allah, is One,"
2. "Allah, the Eternal,"
3. "He begets not, nor is He begotten,"
4. "And there is none like unto Him."

Please join us in the months of Rabiul Awwal and Rabiul Akher 1432 in reciting Surah Ikhlas.

Lately

2011-02-11T12:56:00.004-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

The revolution in Egypt has been on most of our minds lately. It's all over the news channels, it seems. Alhamdulilah, Mubarak has announced he will be stepping down after 30 years in power. It's always amazing to see how much power the people can wield...
Anyway, the other issue that caught my attention was the alledged attempted bombing of a mosque here in Dearborn, MI (USA). The mosque in question is the Islamic Center of America & it's actually the largest masjid in America. The accused, an older male from Cali named Robert Stockham, was apparently arrested outside of the masjid wearing a ski mask, with "powerful fireworks" in his car. He'd driven all the way from Cali to Dearborn, and news reports say he had plans to escape into Canada... Those inside the masjid, who were attending a funeral at the time, said they had no idea what had happened. Stockham was turned in after he supposedly bragged at a local bar about what he was about to do. Crazily enough, the accused refused his court-appointed lawyer because he's a Shi'a (the guy just apparently tried to blow up a Shi'a masjid, not making it look any better for him saying this), LOL. Even crazier, the guy is a convert!

Dearborn, MI (USA)
http://www.myfoxdetroit.com/dpp/news/local/calif.-man-accused-of-bomb-threat-on-mich.-mosque-due-in-court-20110204-mr
&& http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNq-SX8Uhug
&&http://www.freep.com/article/20110205/NEWS02/102050369/Mosque-attack-plot-suspect-demands-new-lawyer

Teeny Reminder

2011-01-06T13:30:00.000-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Most people view rules as annoying and bothersome. At face value, they can be. Maybe they are supposed to be, so that it takes humility, sincerity and devotion to submit to these rules. The "rules" Allah SWT has laid out for us are a test and an opportunity for His Mercy.

Doesn't Allah SWT describe the Quran as a Mercy for mankind?

This is because when Allah SWT lays out the Straight Path for us, we're being given a chance for His mercy. We can submit to a rule, for example, and receive His mercy. Or we can shirk our responsibility and turn up short. Even then Allah SWT offers us another chance through repentance. If we are willing to humbly and sincerely ask for forgiveness, Allah SWT will forgive our sins inshAllah. Again with the Mercy.

Allah SWT is always looking for ways to extend it to us. Why? Because He is the Most Merciful. He wants us to succeed, He wants to grant us Jannah. That is why we have the Quran among other things to guide us!

I know the in's and out's of Islam can be a struggle sometimes to follow, but we are instructed to struggle in the way of Allah SWT. Some of us get exasperated, give up, and even straight-out ignore what is halal and haram or wajib for us. They'd rather "live it up" to the fullest or something.

Rules are a gift for us, a chance for us. We are granted forgiveness when we accept the way Allah SWT has taught us and follow them. Look at when Allah SWT is telling us to fast, for example! Allah SWT says off the bat that he is not trying to cause "hardship" for us but is offering us a chance for "ease."

He instructs us to "hold fast to the rope" that He stretches out for us. These "rules" are that rope, that lifeline!

The Quran continues to explain three purposes to fasting during Ramadan in addition to saying it's purpose is, "that you may guard against evil," (2.183) which can be applied to all other obligations Allah SWT tells us to fulfill:

*Self-restraint

*Glorify Allah SWT for these rules b/c they are "guidance." The Quran says, “…and that you should glorify Allah for giving you this guidance” (2:185). Would you turn away from the chance to glorify God? It's as big of a deal as being what we are created for.

*Gratefulness!

“And remember with gratitude Allah’s favor on you” (Quran 3:103). You got it loud and clear, we're being done a FAVOR! Let's accept it! How about a little humility (hey, wasn't lack of that Satan's problem that completely ruined him? hmmm...) towards Allah's commands.
So, next time you're struggling with something concerning your faith, smile a little. Take a moment to say, Alahmdulilah! Thank you Allah SWT!

“…hear my call and believe in Me, that they may walk right”

(Quran 2:186)

Haya & Gheerah

2011-01-03T16:00:00.000-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Haya & Gheerah in a Marriage
Most of us know of couples who seem so eager that their partner display their good looks. They want everyone to know how gorgeous of a spouse they have. Some go to the extreme of having an hijabi bride remove her veil to better expose her beauty. These people don't mind if this exposure infringes on their partners modesty and more importantly, on the boundaries of haya in Islam; instead they delight in showing off their spouse like a mere trophy.

In Islam there are two parts of our faith with forbid this type of behavior: haya and gheerah. Alhamdulilah! Haya (humility or shyness) is essential to modesty. For example, a hijabi lacking haya rends her veil meaningless. Likewise, a Muslim man with roving eyes shows lack of haya.

Now obviously there is nothing wrong with being happily married and head-over-heels for your spouse. There's nothing wrong with loving how your partner looks, either. Those are actually--shocker-- great things. I have little doubt we all hope our partner thinks we're the most beautiful woman ever and adores us, inshAllah.

The problem lies with those who want their partner to look good for everyone else, so they can say, "Hey, look what I got! Isn't my man/my woman so hot?" Astirgullah! What shameful, unIslamic behavior! This is an example of both the absence of haya and gheerah. The verse above in the photo is from the Quran and states be should "be careful" of obeying Allah's commands.... ie, don't just know them, follow them and keep them in mind through your actions. Knowing commands means little when you don't follow them--infact, it means less!

Thisstatement above is a lot different than saying, "I have eyes for no one but my spouse. I think my spouse is the most beautiful person ever." Something like that statement oozes with respect, adoration, and care. With care and respect is exactly the way Islam encourages us to treat our spouse.

Take a look at this hadith aimed towards Muslim wives. It describes haya, or shyness/modesty, as an "armor." MasAllah!

Additionally, the Quran describes spouses as being "garments" to each other as well as "protectors." We are to protect our spouse from other's indecent thoughts and eyes as much as we can through treating them respectfully. We shouldn't remove ourselves as metaphorical garments for their modesty, leaving them naked for others to see. We must be their protector by guarding their intimate secrets, problems, feelings, and how they appear to us physically. These are incredibly intimate details reserved for the spouse only. By acting as protectors and garments, we are working to increase the intimacy and stability of our marriages.

There's actually a hadith (I'll try to find it and include it later inshAllah)that states women should't describe other women to males in a way that they would be able to imagine them (describing a hijabi girl to her non-mahram for ex.), so why would it be permissible to think we can do this with our spouse? Hopefully this will give food for thought for those who reveal details of their spouses in bed (astirgullah) or are not wary of protecting them from others indecent thoughts.

In short, haya and gheerah in a marriage shouldn't be ignored. Gheerah should not be taken to the extreme either... so maybe I should briefly summarize before sounding off to more clearly state that gheerahs motivation should be to try and help prevent others from thinking indecent thoughts about your spouse. If we have haya as a wife or husband, we'll try to dress modestly and appropiately to avoid this ourselves. Our partner can always warn us too if something gets people thinking the wrong thing. For example, they can ask you to please wear a longer or looser blouse. Anyone with haya would want to obey this request as they wouldn't want anyone to think indecent things about them.

There's a limit, too, but it's between the couple to discuss and pound out. Each relationship is different. Gheerah isn't an excuse to say a woman has to wear a burka because men don't have haya themselves and can't keep their eyes to themselves, so that should be taken into context as well.

Marriage & Sex

2010-12-30T01:15:00.008-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Islam states that marriage is half of our deen and sexual abstinence is actually discouraged in Islam. Since you can't have one without the other (no pre-martial sex) in Islam, plenty of people encourage youngsters who face temptation to marry as early as possible. While I'll save that issue for another post, I will say this: it comes as no surprise given Islam's emphasis on marriage, that marriage is proven to be beneficial. So for those of us who are looking to get married or re-married inshAllah, or enjoying their marriage already, congrats! May Allah SWT grant you happiness, ameen. Studies actually show that married persons are more likely to enjoy longer lives than their counterparts who have never been married. That's right--they even have shorter life spans than divorcees! (edit: Not picking on un-married people at all, divorcees or never-married ones included!!)
Other studies show additional benefits of marriage, including healthier lives. Woohoo for healthier, longer lives.

The sexual relationship, or state of it rather, is vital to a marriage. Obviously a good intimate relationship can bring a couple closer together. I'm sure we've all heard how lack of sexual satisfaction can impact a marriage. Without getting into that or spending too much time, let's just jump right in and discuss a few misconceptions, etc. that can impact sex and in turn, the overall marriage.

.: Pre-marital Sexual Experiences :.

Were you sexually molested? Did you engage in pre-marital sex? Were you raped?

Basically, you find yourself saying you experienced one of the above or something where you say, "I can't forgive myself for that / overcome that experience."

I've posted before about victims of sexual abuse. I didn't go into the subject much, but I shared statistics that 1 in 4 women has been a victim. Many of these women feel that they are unable to experience pleasure because of psychological or physical associations with intimacy. Flashbacks can often spring up and set a victim off without warning. Flashbacks can taint moments for a person who has messed around before marriage, too and interfere with intimate moments between spouses.

I'm not a therapist so I really don't feel I can speak adequately on this issue. I do know though that Allah SWT is the Most Merciful and greater than any therapist. By all means, don't ignore the help counseling can offer, but don't forget that Allah knows us better than any counselor or even we know ourselves. What can we not turn to turn to Allah in help for? That's right--nothing! There is no more trustworthy of a listener and helper. Turn to Allah SWT in full abandon. We all know it is Allah alone that can offer us ease. Through trust and obedience in Allah we will grow even closer to the compass of His mercy.

~*~

I think it's important as well to communicate. I understand it can be difficult to bring up these experiences when sometimes all you want is to escape them. It's hard to face them. It takes courage to try to find the words to talk about it to even your partner. Yet it's important to find a way to attempt to so you can allow your partner the chance to be there for you and begin to find a way to "work" with you. For example, if you suddendly feel unable to be intimate in an intimate act out of the blue because of a flashback, your partner needs to know. Sometimes in the heat of passion they may not immediately notice a subtle change despite all the emotions raging inside of you. Don't worry about sharing what's happening to you and "ruining" the moment. Don't! Your husband is not using you or hurting you, not victimizing you. Sex isn't all he cares about because to him, you are not just a sexual object. So don't underestimate him or your relationship, and try to see this as an opprotunity to help yourselves. Your past is a part of you and while it is unpleasant and I'd imagine you might even feel guilty at times telling yourself it's a burden for your husband... quit being silly. He loves all of you, and is always there to understand and learn more of you. You can only grow by opening your hearts to each other. Helping each other work on something like this will help you move towards closure, and help you enjoy sexual intimacy with your husband because it builds TRUST. With trust you will eventually be able to inshAllah enjoy being sexual in your marriage and see it as something completely different than what you experienced. So... COMMUNICATE!

Regarding past relationships, whether you're the spouse that's been a part of them or your spouse is, it can be hard for some to forgive such actions. Jealousy, questioning, doubts, etc. can creep into people's minds. Remember that we can only turn to Allah for forgiveness. Repent and move away from your former life. Forgive your spouse. It may be difficult, but trust is important and you should be able to trust your spouse. Not all deserve trust by default, but if you want to get over an old issue that's not a current behavior, it's best to pray for forgiveness and work towards betterment together through a halal relationship. Let's remember also that Allah SWT says not to go NEAR adultery. One of the ways we can do this is by remembering that when we marry, we have a halal avenue for our sexual desires. Sex should be a comfortable way for both partners to experience these desires, and we shouldn't deny our spouses this within reason. Some people twist this aspect of marriage in Islam to say a woman must always have sex with her husband, at the drop of a hat, whenever or is responsible for his indiscretions. This is NOT true of course. Spouses should respect each other and work to avoid what's haram at all times and circumstances. One glaring example of why the "drop of a hat" allegation is just plain ol' wrong is that Sura 2 of the Quran states men should avoid sex with a woman during her menses. It doesn't state anywhere that this means a husband can do what he wants in the meantime. We must all practice self-restraint. We're not animals. Anyway, no sin belongs to another person, we each go to our own graves. But sharing our bodies with our spouse can help us both avoid such actions and stay stronger against temptations, heal broken sexual experiences, and allow intimacy to deepen a relationship.

.: Muslim's Can not Have 'Great' Sex :.

This can be a delicate subject to talk about, or at least a difficult. Some people think that Muslims just can't have "freedom" sexually. Some Muslims even believe that there is only one halal sex technique. I won't go into this issue much more other than to say Allah SWT made sex an intimate experience to be enjoyed by the husband and wife. You have privacy to do whatever you desire within the boundaries of what is halal. I think we all know that sex is very private and should only be spoken, referred to, etc. about on an intimate level between the husband and wife to safeguard their partners modesty and privacy. No discussing what happens in the bedroom to others! The Quran says in Surah 9 that we should be each other's "protectors."

.: Sex is Sinful :.

Sex between two married people in Islam is a gift from Allah SWT. There's nothing sinful about it. Think of yourself like two pieces that are precious themselves but something even more special altogether. One of you is an engagement ring, and one of you is... a diamond solitaire ring insert, lol. You're each pieces of a puzzle that complete each other is my point. Together, you are a whole new gift to be experienced, opened, whatever, and enjoyed as a couple. The Quran says the most beautiful thing about spouses, saying they are to be the "the comfort of our eyes." MasAllah! Our bodies are for our spouses alone, and we are a comfort, in all ways, to our spouse. So take it from your mind that sex is one bit sinful among marital partners. Allah SWT made nothing sinful. Some people think it's from Satan or something but remember, Allah is the Creator. Satan is the created and can not do something like that.

Just Thinking

2010-01-07T05:21:00.004-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

I notice a lot of people seem to downplay Ashura as a commemoration of Imam Hussein's (AS) martyrdom. This is not what Ashura is about. Yes, we mourn his brutal slaying and the henius massacure of this day. We cry when we hear just the extent of how terrible the killings were.

Did you not at least tear up when you read about Hazrat Bilal's torture by Abu Jahl? Or how our beloved Rasool Allah (Peace be Upon Him and His Progeny) was at times spit at, mocked and pelted with stones? Why then wouldn't you also cry when you heard how these people of our Beloved Prophet's household were denied of water and murdered one by one?

Ashura marks the stand against oppression and tyranny when to not have stood would have been to allow the truth to be lost. It was the essence of the David and Goliath story. It was the completion of Ibrahim and Issac. The cry, "Atash," (thirst) was the cry, "Ahad"(He is One) that day in Kerbala. It was for truth; for Islam.

Imam Hussein and the other 72 martyrs that day sacrificed themselves for religion. And what they were matryred defending can not and should not be forgotten amongst matams nor should it overshadowed by marking it as bi'dah (innovation) because you just want to pass it off as some funeral anniversary.

Well, no. Forget about it.

I understand a lot of you may not agree with why this event is commemorated, but don't parade it around as something it isn't. We remember this event every Muharram to remember how important it is, not matter what tortures and ordeals you face here, to perserve the true message of Islam. Every land is Kerbala and every day is Ashura, although tragedy will ever be as tragic nor no land as sacred... meaning that everywhere you are, everyday, you have the task of struggling towards the truth no matter what stands in your path.

JazakAllah Khair to Delem & MK

Ashura

2009-12-16T11:46:00.005-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

The Caravan of Pride is a film that displays the heart-wrenching events after the massacre that took place in Kerbala which martyred 72 Muslims-- including Imam Hussein (as) and Hazrat Abbas. Please check it out! Learn just why this event is remembered.

You Can view it here on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvdpPggY04M

Courtesy of:

http://www.al-masumeen.com/

May Allah SWT reward those who do good, ameen.

Divorce

2009-12-14T16:11:00.000-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, "I've got something to tell you." She sat down and ate quietly.

Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want a divorce." I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?" I avoided her question.

This made her angry.

She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "You are not a man!" That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew.

I didn't love her anymore.

I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.

The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible.

Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce," she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; "Don't tell our son about the divorce." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door.

She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again.

I didn't tell Dew about this.

It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.

Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.

I held her tightly and said, "I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy."

I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore."

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever?" She said.

I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I don't want the divorce.

"My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart." Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.

I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, 'I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.'

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

A Few Tips:

*Schedule Dates Together- A study involving 132 couples found those whowent on dates more often (the average was sixdates a month) were more likely to be satisfied with their marriage than those who spent less time together. A date does not always mean a dinner and movie, so get creative! Be sure that if you have children that you schedule at least half of these dates alone!

*Communicate Respectfully- Psychologist John Gottman has conducted research on what attitudes increase the chances that a marriage will end unhappily. He has found that contempt is the most damaging; and he says rolling your eyes when your spouse is talking to you is a classic sign that communicates contempt. Check yourself by paying attention to the way you speak to your spouse and making an effort to curtail any rude behavior. It also never hurts to "suck up" once in awhile either!

*Are You Dependent or Independent?- Watch your own level of independence. Even if you can get everything accomplished by yourself, let your spouse know that s/he is really needed. All people need to feel needed sometimes. Spruce up your spouse's self esteem by letting her in on what you are doing every once in a while. Watch your level of dependency. On the other hand, being too dependent on your spouse for every little thing can make him feel overwhelmed and want to stay away from you for a while. Being the person who has to do every little thing can become a very heavy burden.

*Work to Strengthen Your Imaan Together!- Make time to watch Islamic lectures, read dua, and pray together. You don't need to wait until your husband comes home either. Go ahead and listen to a lecture or pick up a religous book. Relate to your patner everything you found interesting or something you learned. With time, perhaps your partner will come to do the same.

What is Fornication?

2009-12-07T18:50:00.001-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Easy peesy, huh?

Eid Mubarak

2009-11-27T22:01:00.003-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Eid Mubarak! :)

Quran 22:27 And proclaim to mankind the Hajj (pilgrimage). They will come to you on foot and on every lean camel, they will come from every deep and distant (wide) mountain highway (to perform Hajj).

Emotional Affairs

2009-11-23T12:41:00.007-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

"We've all grown so used to watching, reading, and hearing sexually suggestive material that there's no longer an obvious verbal or physical line that we think we are crossing."

-Gail Saltz, in an article published here

O.K., I have to start this by saying that I love Oprah. I'm a little upset her show is ending, but hey, "nothing gold can stay," right? So anyway, I was browsing through her website in an effort to give my sister a brief tour-- "Look, she writes about this and this and, yeah, everything!"--when I inevitably clicked on the "Relationships" page in my little this-is-why-Oprah-is-cool exhibit. What we saw and were captivated by was an article by Gail Saltz detailing emotional affairs, a.k.a affairs of the heart.

I say captivated, but I'm not positive if that's exactly the most fitting word to describe my reaction. All the while Gail was writing about not-so-innocent friendships and all that jazz, I kept thinking how Islam tries to prevent this with hijab. Hijab in its true sense, not just a woman wearing a scarf. I mean a man lowering his eyes or abstaining from shaking hands. I mean a woman saving her most beautiful look and gorgeous smile for her husband. Hijab of the heart, of the eyes, of the mind. Hijab that doesn't proudly announce you saw a girl, who is supposed to be a Muslimah darn it, at the club last night while you were there with your friends. Hijab that shields your eyes from that racy t.v. show your girlfriends love so much and helps you feel okay with being left out at that moment because it's important. Hijab that observes khulwah!

I wrote an earlier post about khulwah, or privacy, so I won't go into it here, but feel free to check it out or go ahead and google the term for more articles.

If we really submit to Allah SWT's conditions of actual hijab we'll find ourselves, and likely our partners, much happier. I know it's hard, and sometimes awkward, to tell a co-worker for example that you won't, say, have coffee with them since you're both on break, but it was Allah SWT that instituted khulwah and hijab for us and it is Allah subhanAllah wa Ta'la that knows best, and is always trying to protect us, as the article on "emotional affairs" by Saltz I think delineates.

2009-11-20T17:09:00.002-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Anyone created an Islamic nursery before? My husband and I are inshAllah about to start creating one for our son since our move, but I'd like to get a few more ideas if possible. I'd like the room to double as a prayer room as well.

JazakAllah khair in advance.

Eid Mubarak

2009-09-19T19:17:00.004-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Eid Mubarak everyone! Yay :)

InshAllah you'll have a wonderful day.

I also wanted to let you know I have been reading your blogs and although I haven't really had time to comment as much at all like I want to, let alone time give coherent comments, inshAllah with the end of Ramadan I'll be able to start catching up with all of you. I'm so excited!

Ramadan Kareem

2009-08-22T17:33:00.002-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Happy Ramadan!
May Allah SWT accept your prayers and fasting this month and make it easy for you, ameen.

Breakfast Picnic

2009-08-09T20:59:00.003-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Having trouble finding time together? Struggling to either make your fajr prayer or help your husband make his?
Whatever the reason, a breakfast picnic can be a really fun event.
You can hold yours on the patio, at a local park, or even on your apartment balcony. All you need to do is pack everything the night before that you can (this makes it much easier in my opinion), set your alarm clock, and head out together to watch the sunrise.
From there you can pray fajr together, have a light breakfast, and inshAllah even read a surah or two. I also recommend taking the opportunity to pray 2 rakats of prayer thanking Allah for all of your blessings.

"And when your Lord made it known:
If you are grateful, I would certainly give to you more, and if you are ungrateful,
My chastisement is truly severe."
Surah Ibrahim, Verse 7

May Allah SWT accept all of your prayers, ameen.

Hers and His

2009-06-23T20:31:00.003-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

I've noticed that for the past 6 months or so I've tried to claim my husbands prayer rug. Sometimes I'll even wait until he's finished praying just so I can use it! He's had his for many, many years, so it's really worn down and thin. I was pretty confused when I was picking out my first two prayer rugs (one for my family's house) as to why he hung on to it when there are literally a dozen other nice, fluffy rugs in our hall closet to pick from. Like mine.

Anyway, getting out my own prayer rug (voluntarily) earlier today, I couldn't help but smile at the differences. I wondered if yours was like your husbands or different, if you shared one together, if this was the prayer rug you'd used for years and years or if you even switched them every other week--that sort of thing.

So what's the story and what do yours look like?

~*~

A Little Note:

I hope I haven't made it seem like your rug is the most important thing about praying. This definately isn't my intention. This is just for fun!

Does it matter? Absolutely not.

Is it important? Nope, on the contrary I'd call it irrelevant.

Do You Need a Prayer Rug? It's sufficent to simply pray on a clean space.

So don't get me wrong, please, because the only thing that really and truly matters is that we pray sincerely and humbly to Allah Subhan'Allah Ta'la.

comment moderation

2009-06-10T22:03:00.007-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

I have switched the comment settings on my blog as to only allow approved comments to be published. I have gotten one too many hateful and ignorant accusations about shias and my beliefs and just don't feel like deleting them one-by-one anymore. InshAllah it won't be too much of an inconvenience.

How Would He Describe You?

2009-06-07T15:15:00.009-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

The Prophet (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) visited the house of Ali (a.s) and Fatima (as) after they were married. He congratulated the bride and the bridegroom. Then he addressed Ali (a.s) and said,
"How did you find your wife?"
The bridegroom lowered his head with an innocent modesty and replied:
"My wife is a good companion and helper on the way to Allah's obedience."

Are you your husbands helper on the way to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala's obedience?

2009-05-14T19:11:00.002-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

YAY!! Shukr Kuda, alhamdulilah is all we can say.

We're so happy the baby is healthy, inshAllah it will stay that way!

Please keep us in your duas.

Duas in the Home

2009-05-04T05:12:00.004-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Sadly, many times we forget the power of dua unless we are in distress or need. Duas are a powerful tool given to us my Allah SubhanAllah Ta'laa and should be utilized daily. Infact, the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) explained dua, or supplication, as the "very essence of worship." Nothing is considered more noble or beloved to the All Merciful.

Allah SubhanAllah Ta'laa has told us, "Oh you who believe, remember Allah time and time again." Our Beloved Prophet Muhammad (Peace be Upon Him) again stats the importance of dua by saying, "He who remembers his Lord and he who does not remember his Lord are like the living and the dead."

A Few Conditions of Dua

*Dua must be for something pure/good

~Person making dua must have good intentions

*Believe wholeheartedly that Allah SubhanAllah Ta'laa will fufill your dua as and when is fit

~Strive to make yourself pure (Prophet Muhammad PBUH mentioned a traveller on a long journey, who is dishevelled and dusty, and he stretches forth his hands to the sky, saying, 'O my Lord! O my Lord!', While his food is unlawful, his drink is unlawful, his clothing is unlawful, and he is nourished unlawfully; how can he be answered?")

*Dua Shouldn't interfere with something important (ie, don't neglect the adhan for dua)

Just recently I've decided to post duas throughout my home to inshAllah help my husband and I remember to say them, and I encourage you to do so as well if you too are finding yourself forgetting to make dua throughout the day. I've tried to post a few below, but InhsAllah you will find the websites makedua.com and duas.org helpful to a greater extent.

May Allah SubhanAllah Ta'laa bless you and your family for your efforts, ameen.

The Islamic View: Masturbation

2009-03-26T04:34:00.002-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

This post is for the Anonymous commenter who asked if I'm "ill" due to a sentence on my previous post which touched on the subject of avoiding masturbation. To this "Anonymous" I would like to very briefly explain that masturbation is haraam (forbidden) in Islam. I hope to post a more in-depth explanation in the future but this will have to suffice for now since I'm extremely short on time.

While I gather that you hold a different view on the permissibility of masturbation Anon., I would like to encourage you to remember that as this site caters to Muslims I attempt to always present things in an Islamic context. Also, a differing view point does not qualify you for judging my mental state.

Clearing Things Up (inshAllah)

The Arabic word for masturbation is "istimna" which (according to fiqh) refers to self-stimulation of ones genitals until an orgasm or ejaculation of semen occurs. The term, "self-stimulation" is key. The below verse from the Holy Quran is what that scholars point to when declaring masturbation, as defined above, is haraam:

"The believers are... those who protect their sexual organs except from their spouses... Therefore, whosoever seeks more beyond that [in sexual gratification], then they are the transgressors." (23:5-6)

Many hadith expound on this subject further, including but not limited to the one below:

Saeed bin Jubayr narrates that Rasulullah (PBUH) said, Allah Taala will inflict a punishment on a group of people because they played with their private parts.' Attaa says, 'Some people will be resurrected in such a condition that their hands will be pregnant, I think they are those who masturbate.'

I encourage those of you with any questions, Muslim or non-Muslim, to contact an Islamic scholar for more information. There are quite a few scholars accepting questions through websites on the internet for your convenience. It's VERY important to remember that a firm grasp on Arabic as used in the Holy Quran is vital to truly understanding issues such as this one. Chasity as described in the Quran refers to so much more than the average American English speaker might think and it really takes a lot of analyzing of the Quranic conception of things to truly understand.

Adultery

2009-03-17T23:18:00.012-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

What the Quran States:

And come not near unto adultery. Lo! it is an abomination and an evil way. Al-Isra’ 17: 32

And the servants of the Beneficent are those who do not invoke another god with Allah, and who do not…commit fornication/adultery, for whoever does that shall receive the penalty; for him shall the torment be doubled on the day of resurrection, and therein he shall abide forever, disgraced, save him who repents and believes and does good works; those, Allah shall change their misdeeds into good works. And Allah is Forgiving, Compassionate.

Al-Furqan: 68-70

*Avoid being alone with the opposite gender. There is a hadith stating that when two people are alone, there is always a third person: Satan.

*Avoid enviroments which MAY lead to or foster the concept of adultery. Some examples include avoiding clubs and avoiding t.v. shows which promote and indulge in these activites such as Sex and the City or Desperate Housewives.

*Marry when you feel that if you would postpone marriage any longer, you would become guilty of fornication or masturbation. Marriage is recommended because it allows an appropiate way for you to relieve such natural desires without comitting sin. Abandon worries of your finances should you marry when you hadn't exactly planned; it's better that you abstain from sins and Allah swt will inshAllah reward you for it. Who better than Allah swt is there to provide for you?

*Practice hijab of your gaze and uphold hijab within your community. Situations where hijab is not present or encouraged are very likely to endorse what is haram. There's no reason a brother should expect his sister to observe his hijab while he is free to go clubbing, dating or whatever.

*Lower your eyes if you see a woman who is not observing her hijab, and don't think that if you are a woman you have the right to stare at naked or half-naked women either. Women should lower their eyes as well if they see a man who is not wearing his hijab.

*Remember that Allah swt says, "Enjoyment has boundaries."

Islamic law, which is of course only applicable in an Islamic state, differentiates between fornication and adultery. Adultery occurs when a married man or woman has a sexual relationship outside of that marriage. Fornication occurs when there is a sexual relationship but neither fornicator is married. Shar'ia law punishes the fornicator harshly but less harshly than an adulterer because the adulterer had access to a sexual relationship and when a married woman or spouse cheats they are destroying a family. It's also believed that adultery has a great impact on the community as well.
One might also find it interesting as well as helpful in understanding the seriousness of adultery to note that in a case of murder, two witness are needed as opposed to four in the case of adultery. These four witnesses must all attest to having seen the same thing at the same time. If anyone falsely accuses someone of adultery, they are punishable under shar'ia with 80 lashes.

Asbagh bin Nabata has reported that five persons who were accused of adultery were once brought to the Caliph Omar. He ordered for their punishment by stoning them all to death.
Ali ibn Talib (AS), when he heard of that, said that the judgement was wrong.
He then heard them separately and awarded them different punishments as follows:
To the first he awarded the punishment of beheading, stoning to death to the second, whipping to the third and half of the full punishment to the fourth. He set free the fifth after awarding him an ordinary punishment.

When the Caliph Omar asked Ali ibn Talib (AS) to explain his above decision, he (Ali ibn Talib, AS) said to him:

“The first of them is a Zimmi (the one who pays a certain amount to an Islamic State for the safety of his life) who has committed adultery with a Muslim woman; the second is a married man whose punishment under the religious law is stoning to death; the third is an unmarried man, who stands to be punished under the same law by whipping; the fourth is a slave whose punishment in case of adultery as fixed by the religious law is half of the full punishment fixed by the religious law for that crime; the fifth of them is half-mad and has therefore, been awarded an ordinary punishment for one and the same crime committed by others as this punishment has been fixed for such men and women by the religious law.”
(Manaqib, vol. 2, p. 183; Nasikhut Tawarikh, vol. 2, p. 732, Biharul Anwar vol. 9, p. 478)

Arguing

2009-03-13T02:40:00.006-04:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

No marriage is without the occasional argument. Some couples seem to argue more than most, others much less. While you should of course avoid an argument if possible, sometimes you just need to hash it out. This is inevitable. Don't feel that because you and your spouse argue you have a poor marriage. Don't assume a few arguments give you the right to start fuming about divorce. Just think, you are two different people masAllah spending quite a large bit of your time together, so it's just totally unlikely that you won't disagree from time to time.

So while it's natural to disagree with your spouse, handling an argument appropiately and respectfully becomes key. In every affair, it's best to make dua to Allah swt for guidance and help. Here are a few rules for you the next time your husband has you up in arms.

Keep it Private:

There are very few reasons, if any, you should include another person in a marital argument. What irritates you about your spouse is not something you need to air out. Islamically, husband and wives are addressed as coverings for eachother so you should try to avoid advertising all your issues with your spouse. There is such a thing as taking too much advice from outsiders who don't experience your daily issues either and are therefore out of touch, so keep this in mind. You'll get to the solution (you do have one, don't you?) a whole lot faster with less people involved!

Remember You Love This Individual

While it can be hard at times, keeping things level-headed is a must. Do not resort to a shout fest or name-calling. They really serve no purpose except to agitate or hurt. ALWAYS avoid saying, "I want a divorce," or "I want a break," for a reaction. These should be saved for when you 100% mean it and not used as a tool to hurt your spouse as much as possible. Instead, focus on some cute or happy memories of you with you spouse. InshAllah this will aid you in remembering that this argument is to perserve that happiness.

Ask, Don't Accuse

Some people charge full-force into arguments like scary, unstoppable monsters. This is pointless and unIslamic. You're not giving anyone a chance to work on a solution or happy result. The best approach to an argument is to try to understand the what, why, when and how. You simply can not do this effectively without asking questions and listening here and there. Arguments or discussions about your marriage should involve two people, and I'm not referring to one person being bullied into agreeing with the other. Addressing issues in the form of a question (leave out the sarcasm) is a good way to avoid hammering your spouse with names or accusations.

Don't Be Afraid to Look Towards Yourself

Never forget that you aren't perfect yourself. If there are some things bothering you about your spouse, there are likely some things about you that bother them in return so try to be forgiving. Also try to evaluate yourself and see if anything you're doing is contributing to this behavior. You can also take your agitation not as a spark to fuel an argument but as a hint to try and lead by example. This is "the golden rule" for a reason!

#5
Don't Pull Arguments Out of Thin Air

Don't lash out and argue about one thing when it's really something else that's bothering you, especially if that something else isn't related to your partner. He's there to help but is not your punching bag! And if you notice your spouse doing this himself, try to be forgiving and give them space. It's best to avoid this all together by talking about your feelings instead of how wrong your spouse is.

The Couch is Not a Punishment

I've got to laugh at this one. Every time I hear about someone sending their spouse to the couch for the night, it just makes me cringe. I picture a little child with their nose-pressed to the corner of a room. In my mind, this form of punishment is so silly and only prolongs an argument and fosters resentment. You're supposed to be fostering communication and understanding instead. If you're angry, forgive eachother and go to bed. You can inshAllah tackle the issue tomorrow, after waking up to your loved ones face by yours. It's a lot different than how you probably feel waking up, realizing he's not there and why and starting the day on a power trip.

May Allah swt lend us patience in all our affairs, ameen.

a quicky on domestic violence/abuse

2009-02-24T06:36:00.005-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

I want to keep my point very simple inshAllah here: Abuse, mental or physical, is inacceptable.

Islam forbids any and all forms of abuse.

While many believe the Quran allows spousal abuse due to a mistaken interpretation of Surah An-Nisa 4:34, this is simply not true.

"I went to the Prophet and said: Abul Jahm and Mu'awiah have proposed to marry me. The Prophet (by way of advice) said: ....and Abul Jahm is accustomed to beating women"

If anyone ever abuses you, please report the incident immediately, file a restraining order, and seek out help. If you're afraid for your safety, especially after contacting police, make this very clear to police officers and also make arrangements to relocate somewhere else. Abuse of any kind is always serious and should never be tolerated.

1 out of every 3 women will be assaulted by an intimate partner during her lifetime. 60 to 70% of men who abuse their female partners also batter their children.

NEVER

♀♂* Never fool yourself into thinking, "Oh, he's never done this before. He repented so sincerely!" There aren't any acceptable excuses for abuse. I don't care if he's stressed or just lost a relative. You shouldn't either. While you may want to make reason out why your loved one is harming you, don't render yourself a victim in the process. Abuse is not normal, not minor, and absolutely inexcusable.

♀♂* Never hesistate to call the police. Many women are afraid that if they call the police, by the time they arrive their husbands will have had enough time to calm down and put on his poker face. While laws vary by state, here in N.C. if a police officer arrives at the scene of a domestic violence call and notices the house is in disarray OR there's even the slightest red mark, that officer can press charges against the abuser.

Whatever the laws are in your state, reporting the incident is important as well because the police will make a report that they were called to your home, which proves useful if your spouse repeats the indicent and/or you decide to divorce. Also, if police are dispatched, they can also offer a safe cover for you while you pack and leave the house. Many officers will be willing to escourt you where you need to be as well.

Resourceful Websites

Self-Assesment: Are you a Victim of Domestic Abuse?

National Domestic Violence Hotline

National Assault Online Hotline

Abuse Amongst Muslims

Safety Planning With an Abuser

Personalized Safety Plan

Domestic Violence Shelters, etc.

Another Domestic Violence Shelter

Domestic Violence Laws by State

Domestic Violence Hotline (National but based from Maine)

Domestic Violence Hotline & Financial Resources for Those in N.C.

Domestic Violence Shelter for Those in N.C.

How to help a Friend who is a victim of abuse

If you live in N.C. and would like to indirectly and anonymously ask a police officer advice about domestic violence, please e-mail: aMuslimWife@gmail.com

It's Not Always Easy...

2009-02-22T03:01:00.006-05:00

I'd like to thank Shirin for letting me know about the below article, "Bridget Jones had it easy!". It was awesome of you to pass it on, sis, and I really appreciate it! JazakAllah khair :)

The article offers a synopsis the journey of one determined Muslimah named Shelina to find Mr. Right through a more "traditional" route. While she begins her quest at 19 years old, Mrs. Janmohamad doesn't feel that special 'click' until she's nearing her 30s! For her, it is well-worth the wait. The tales of her experiences with potential suitors range from hilarious to shocking. Shelina's story is a must-read for anyone looking for a good laugh and some good encouragement.

I'm also happy to say that, as you'll inshAllah read in the aforementioned article, Mrs. Shelina Zahra Janmohamad appears to have authored a novel on her experiences. Titled "Love in a Headscarf," the book is available on through its website http://www.loveinaheadscarf.com/ You can check her out on blogspot also inshAllah by clicking here.

Asrar's Nikah Story

2009-02-18T05:55:00.001-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Below is Asrar's (meaning 'secret' as she wished to remain anon.) nikah story. I really love this story and am sure you will too! Everything just seems to click into place all at once, masAllah!

May Allah swt keep her safe during her journey and reward both her and her husband with a long, joyous marriage, ameen.

A big 'Jazakallah Khair' to Asrar for sharing her beautiful story!

~*~

I come from a Pakistani background. My family are all Muslim Alhamdulillah, but not practicing. I was raised in the Middle East, and I was raised to be just like them, until I moved away to Canada for university. I found Islam by myself and started practicing and studying my deen during that time. After 7 years of being apart from my parents, they started considering marriage proposals for me. Unfortunately, their definition of a good spouse was nothing like mine as they didn't consider the Deen as a priority. When they became serious with 1 proposal I panicked and told them that I wasn't happy with their choice.

At that time I had come clean about my "change" as well, which they didn't take very well. I then realised that I had to find the "right" husband for myself, as they didn't know anyone in their family or friends who fulfilled my requirements. I made lots of dua to Allah (swt), to grant me a righteous husband, and I enlisted the help of my friends, but didn't come up with much. I was then convinced to put up a profile of myself online, on an Islamic matrimonial website. I personally knew of a few success stories with that site, so I said "bismillah" and went ahead.

In perhaps 2 hours, I was contacted by an individual, and after reading his profile and seeing his picture, I agreed to allow him to email me for further questions. We exchanged about 4 emails worth of questions and answers regarding everything from family background, and education to religious knowledge, future plans and spousal expectations. We immediately realised that we had a lot in common, so much so, that it seemed unreal.

For example, we were of the same background, we shared the same upbringing in the Middle East and our families were similar. We both went to university in Canada, we both were taking courses in the same Islamic institute, we both followed Islam in a similar manner, and our future plans were almost identical!

I then went to an Islamic scholar who knew him personally and I got a character reference from him, about his character and personality, and I spoke to some people who knew him. They all said that he had an upright character, excellent akhlaaq, and good Islamic knowledge. I contacted my parents and gave them the news about him, and he also contacted his parents in Canada, (he works in Saudi Arabia), and gave them the news, as well as my parent's contact information. His parents contacted mine and talked to them. My parents arranged to meet with his extended family in Pakistan during her next trip there. They met his extended family and gave me the 'ok' to continue to get to know more about him.

We continued to email and chat on MSN for a couple of months. He then came to Canada to visit his parents, and the whole family came to visit me. They were all very happy and basically said yes to everything.

My parents were still unsure because they wanted to meet him, so when he returned to Saudi Arabia, he flew down to meet them for a weekend. After they met, my parents gave the go ahead, and my family arranged to fly to Canada for a meeting as well as an engagement. I managed to persuade my parents to agree to a Nikkah, and they did agree eventually. My husband and I had our Nikkah in the summer time in Canada, in a beautiful ceremony, according to the Sunnah of the Prophet (saw). I then returned back to the Middle East and have spent 9 months preparing for the wedding and the walima, which everyone agreed to have in Pakistan.

I now have about 2 more weeks till the wedding, so I'm flying to Pakistan next week, and then travelling with my husband to Saudi Arabia, Inshallah.

If you would like to share your nikah story and/or pictures of your nikah or walima, please send them to: aMuslimWife@gmail.com.

V-Day

2009-02-12T22:56:00.005-05:00

Bismillahir Raheemir Raheem

Many people dislike Valentine's Day and many Muslims do not participate in Valentine's day. I don't have a problem with any of these "people." This post is not in opposition to you if you fall into one, or both, above categories. I firmly believe that in the Muslim marriage, or any marriage really, it's important to love, respect, and make time for your spouse... That is, unless you want a bad marriage. If you do, then by all means save this one "special" day to let your partner know you care.

The majority of us (I hope) would prefer to have a healthy, happy marriage. To these people I say: don't let one hour pass without letting your partner know you care in some way or another. Imagine giving someone candy or flowers every hour, or receiving either at that rate... Not cool.

“The most perfect believer in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.”

-Prophet Muhammad, PBUH

So use your heart, and perhaps your head as well, instead of merely focusing on that wallet if you really want to make things special for your loveydoveysmuckums.

Finding A Spouse...

2009-02-04T03:34:00.005-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Meet Amina:

Meet Abbas: Meet Abbas' Sister, Neha:
How Did the Two Meet?

Abbas leads the prayers one day at the masjid. Amina realizes that she's seen him helping out around the masjid a lot, and seems to be a fairly religious guy. She makes a comment about all of this to her friend Neha later on, only to have Neha tell her that guy was her brother! Neha, excited, starts to hatch a plan and sits down with her parents that very night.
With Amina's and her parents permission, they show Abbas a picture of Amina. He's already heard that she's a sweet, modest girl from his sister and parents, but had never met her face-to-face before as she'd never came to his home when he was there, so he's curious to see just who this girl is!
Abbas First Sees Her Picture:

LOOK AT THAT SMILE, AWWWW!!

The Two Meet for Chai (tea), accompanied by a chaperone:

Amina spends some time praying istikhara and considering to herself about Abbas' marriage offer.

The two hammer out a few last details of their expectations from their nikah.

Ta da! Amina's henna:

Amina in her wedding hijab:
The two live happily ever after, inshAllah:
THE END!

Help Your Sister in Need

2009-02-02T14:42:00.004-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Salam Alekium Rahmatullah wa Baraktuh,

A Hijabee in DC recently blogged about a sister she knows in the Maryland area (of the eastern USA) growing through a really tough time. What happened to this woman is so wrong! Please check out her story on A Hijabee in DC's blog(I'm short on time right now). I just wanted to get the word out there what this lady is going through and encourage you all to help inshAllah. Please repost this and/or donate! First and foremost though, please make dua for this sister.

May Allah swt reward you for all your efforts!

Narrated AbuHurayrah: Allah's Apostle (PBUH) said:

A person visited his brother in another town and Allah deputed an Angel to wait for him on his way and when he came to him he said: Where do you intend to go? He said: I intend to go to my brother in this town. He said: Have you done any favour to him (the repayment of which you intend to get)? He said: No, excepting this that I love him for the sake of Allah, the Exalted and Glorious. Thereupon he said: I am a Messenger to you from Allah (to inform you) that Allah loves you as you love him (for His sake).

Narrated AbuHurayrah:

Allah's Apostle (PBUH) said: Verily, Allah would say on the Day of Resurrection: Where are those who have mutual love for My Glory's sake? Today I shall shelter them in My shadow when there is no other shadow but the shadow of Mine.

Surah al Baqarah 2. 148:

“Vie with one another in doing what is good.”

Abu Awanah, Al-Nasa'i and Ahmad:

"None of you attains to the status of faith until he wishes for his brother whatever good he wishes for himself"

"Support your brother when he commits or suffers injustice". A man asked the Prophet (pbuh): "Messenger of God, I understand that I should support him when he suffers injustice. How do I support him when he is the committer of injustice?" The Prophet (pbuh) answered: "You prevent him from doing injustice. That is the best support you give to him".

Tag and Awards! :) Yay!

2009-01-29T23:40:00.003-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

The absolutely awesome Inspired Muslimah tagged me in this fun meme! Jazakallah Khair, sis! This was fun! :)

Favorite color: blue
Favorite perfume (guys): Armani attitude, burberry brit, polo blue. So I can't pick one, sue me.

Favorite perfume (girls): very irresistible by givenchy

Favorite pj brand: Doesn't matter to me.
Favorite clothes brand in general: Limited, NY and Co., etc.

Favorite person in the entire world: My husband
Favorite country: hmm, I haven't been to either but would have to say Iran or Scotland
Favorite car: I've never really cared about cars. As long as it runs I'm pretty satisfied!

Favorite sport: UFC.

Favorite sport player: None.

Favorite spot in America: hmmm, grandfather mtn., nc!

Favorite animal: DAISEY!! My beagle-terrier mix. I miss youuuuuu! MWAH!
Favorite movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Favorite singer: Can't pick! You can't make meeeeee.
Favorite day in the week: Whatever days my husband has off work.
Favorite time of the day: night
Favorite holiday season: Winter!

Favorite number: none
Favorite food: Husband's spaghetti, yummmmmy!
Favorite chocolate: lindtt's dark chocolate truffles

Favorite cartoon: pokemon, duhh. Or at least that was cool the last time I watched cartoons. Thunder cats wasn't too bad either.

Favorite blogger: gonna agree with IM, this one is tough!
Favorite Flavor Ice Cream: depends, but vanilla is always good.
Favorite Mobile Brand: Could care less about phones, call me weird!

Favorite name: Irshadi.
Favorite hobby: hanging out with my husband... yeah so I'm lame, whatevverrr.

Favorite room in my house: Agree with IM again: Bedroom!
Favorite Fruit: Mangos and tomatos are deliciiooousss.
Favorite flower: Tiger lilies. Not a big flower girl though since they just wilt.

I add Favorite Quran Recitor: Brace yourselves.... My husband!

Award Time!

I got an award, woohooo!! Alhamdulilah, no success is possible without the mercy of Allah swt. I just wanted to say jazakallah khair to InspiredMuslimah for giving me this award! This sister is so sweet and pure-hearted. I'm really honored by her kind words and inshAllah I can live up to them!!

I'd love to pass on this reward to all of you Muslim bloggers out there. It may seem corny but all of you have supported me so much through your blogs and inspired me so much that it wouldn't be right to just hand this out to ten of you! I love you all for the sake of Allah swt and encourage you to keep blogging. You really never know how much your posts brighten up my day sometimes! Jazakallah Khair for sharing pieces of yourselves and your knowledge with us all in our little blogsphere :)

Nikah #3

2009-01-27T18:42:00.000-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Niar hails all the way from Jakarta, Indonesia! She married her husband, who is from Melbourne, December 26th, 2008 so she's still a newlywed. AWW!! :)

MasAllah, the two were blessed with an amazing wedding and Niar has been gracious enough to allow her photographs to be posted here. Niar is unable to recount for us the details of her "khitbah until nikah" due to a language barrier, although she really wishes she could. I wish you could too, Niar :( You two look like you have such a sweet story!

But, eager to do what she can, Niar has kindly offered these pictures in hope that they might help some of her fellow Muslimahs. May Allah swt reward her for all her efforts, ameen.

Jazakallah Khair, Niar! I'm sure many of us will draw inspiration from these gorgeous photos! Niar has modestly asked that her and her husband's faces be blurred from these pictures. May Allah swt reward her for her consideration to her husband and for her haya (modesty), because she seriously looked like a hoori from Jannah on her special day.

(above: the happy couple posing for pics, awwww)
Please be Sure to Make Dua for Our Sister
Please remember to make dua for all the sisters who nikah stories that are posted. The Prophet PBUH has said that making a dua for your brothers and sisters in Islam warrants such a reward that an angel will in turn make a dua for you! InshAllah we all have an angel in heaven make dua for us.

(above: So cute, so cute, so cute!!! Remember to say, "MasAllah."

InshAllah they will spend many happy days like this together reading the Holy Quran.)

OOOhh my GOSH! Isn't her outfit just gorgeous?

I know you want another look:

TA DA! What a beautiful gown, masAllah.

The decorations are lovely as well!

Awwww!

I. LOVE. THAT. DRESS.

Her hijab is so lovely, masAllah!

Doesn't it just look dreamy? :)

This day was truly a blessing from Allah swt to

the bride.

Showing off the rings... I'm loving her henna!

Talk about great photography, huh? MasAllah.

It all looks postively ethereal.

And check out what the mothers (I think) are wearing. Lovely!

May the joy that permeates these photos permeate Niar's and her husband's life forever and draw them into Jannah together!

Ameen.

oppressed? certainly not by islam

2009-01-26T19:32:00.001-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Umm 'Umara: The Prophet's Shield at Uhud
~ Hamzah Qassim ~

Umm 'Umara was blessed with many honours, amongst these her presence at Uhud, al-Hudaybiyya, Khaybar, the Fulfilled Umra, Hunayn, and the Battle of Yamama. But her most noble role came about during the battle of Uhud.
Umm 'Umara set out to the battle with her husband, Ghaziya, and her two sons (one of whom later was martyred at Kerbala). Her (task had) been to give water to the wounded, but Allâh had planned for her a more rewarding role.
So she set out with her family with a waterskin, and arrived at the battle field during the beginning of the day. The Muslims had the upper hand, and she went to see how the Messenger of Allâh sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam was. But then the Muslims committed a fatal error - seeing the Quraysh on the retreat, they ran towards the booty, ignoring the Prophet's command to remain on the hill.

Khalid bin Walid, (who hadn't embraced Islam yet), seeing the open flank, made a charge against the Muslims and suddenly the tide had swung towards the Quraysh. The Muslims panicked and began to flee, leaving behind only the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam and a handful of his Companions.

Among these was Umm Umara.

Seeing the Muslims flee, Umm Umara ran to the defense of the Prophet and took up arms, along with her husband and two sons. The Prophet noticed that she had no shield, and so said to one of the retreating men: "Give your shield to the one who is fighting." So he handed her the shield, and she defended the Prophet of Allâh with it, using also the bow and arrow along with a sword. She was attacked by horsemen, but never wavered nor felt fear. She later boldly claimed,

"If they had been on foot as we were, we would have trounced them, Allâh willing."
Abdullah ibn Zayed, her son, was wounded during the battle. His wound bled profusely. His mother ran to him and bandaged his wounds, and then commanded him, "Go and fight the people, my son!" The Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam admired her sense of sacrifice, and commended her, "Who can endure what you can endure, Umm 'Umara!"
Suddenly, the man who had struck her son advanced, and the Prophet called out to her, "This is the one who struck your son." She bravely confronted the man, who her very son described as being like a great tree trunk, and struck at his leg, sending him to his knees. The Messenger of Allâh smiled so much his teeth became visible, and remarked, "You have retaliated, Umm 'Umara!". Having finished him off, the Prophet then said "Praise be to Allâh who has given you victory and delighted you over your enemy and let you enjoy your revenge directly."
At one stage, the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam was left alone, so taking the opportunity, the enemy Ibn Qumay'a charged at the Prophet, shouting "Show me Muhammad! I will not be saved if he is saved!" So Mus'ab ibn 'Umayr, along with some other of the Companions, dashed to the protection of the Prophet. Umm 'Umara was among them, and began fiercely striking at the enemy of Allâh, even though he was wearing double armour.

Ibn Qumay'a managed to strike a blow at her neck, leaving a serious wound. The Prophet quickly called on her son "Your mother! Your mother! Bind her wound! May Allâh bless you, the people of a house! The stand of your mother is better than the stand of so-and-so. May Allâh have mercy on you, people of a house! The stand of your foster father is better than the stand of so-and-so. May Allâh have mercy on you, people of a house!"

Umm 'Umara, seeing the Prophet's pleasure on her determination and valour, earnestly requested "Ask Allâh to make us your companions in the Garden!" So he said "O Allâh, make them my companions in the Garden." And this was the desire of Umm 'Umara, to which she replied "I do not care what afflicts me in this world!"
That day, she received thirteen wounds, and was treated for her neck wound for a complete year. She also participated in the Battle of Yamama, where she received eleven wounds and lost her hand.

This was the life of Umm 'Umara, the warrior who stood when many fled, who sent her wounded son back into the thick of the battle, and was prepared to lose her life to save the Prophet's. In return, she received the du'a for the Prophet's companionship in Paradise.
May Allâh bless our women with such courage, self-sacrifice and perseverance.

Looking for Gorgeous Abayas?

2009-01-26T06:53:00.004-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Salam Alekium Ladies,

I just wanted to alert you all to some pretty abayas! MasAllah the sister who is offering to sale them, Mev, is doing so all the way from Oman! She actually just posted her abayas on her blog for everyone to look at when everyone responded with "I WANT SOME!" Haha, so she's been nice enough to offer everyone a way to purchase them through her.

Please check them out & comment and vote if you're interested!

Here are the ones inshAllah on my list!

Ghusl Janabat

2009-01-24T22:43:00.005-05:00

There are 7 types of wajib (obligatory) ghusl. Ghusl "janabat" is a ritual impurity caused by the discharge of semen or by sexual intercourse; and the person on whom ghusl janabat becomes wajib upon is known as "junub."

This post, like every post on this blog,

is intended for females only.

The Qur'an says:
O you who believe! Do not go near prayers (salat) when you are... junub until you have washed yourselves. (4:43)

O you who believe! When you stand up for prayers (salat), . . . if you are junub, then purify (yourselves). (5:6)

Hadith on Preforming Ghusl:

The Prophet PBUH also said:

"Whoever makes ghusl for menses or Janaba, Allah will give him for every drop (of water) a spring in Heaven and for every hair on her head and her body a castle in heaven; seventy times more than the breadth of the world."

Five Things that are Haram for Junub

*To touch with any part of one's body the script of the holy Qur'an or the Name of Almighty Allah in whichever language it may be. And it is better that the names of the holy Prophet and Imams and Hazrat Fatima Zahra (peace be upon them) should also not be touched in that condition.
*Entering Masjidul Haraam or Masjidun Nabi, even though it may be only passing from one gate and going out of another.
*To stay or halt in all other Masjids, and similarly, on the basis of obligatory precaution, to stay in the shrines of the holy Imams. However, there is no harm if one crosses or traverses through a mosque, entering from one gate and exiting from another.
*To enter a mosque with an intention of lifting away something or placing something in it.
*To recite those verses of the holy Qur'an on the recitation of which performance of Sajdah becomes obligatory. These verses occur in four surahs of the holy Qur'an:

Surah Alif Lam Mim as-Sajdah, 32:15
Surah Ha Mim Sajdah, 41:38
Surah an-Najm, 53:62
Surah al 'Alaq, 96:19

So, with that said, how does one preform ghusl?

There are two ways to go about ghusl; ghusl tartibi (sequential) or ghusl irtimasi (total submersion of body). This website offers a very simple explanation of ghusl, although you can google either of the above if you'd prefer to.

Excerpt from linked website:

"The three Faraa'ids (compulsory acts) of Ghusl are:
*To rinse the mouth in such a manner that water reaches the entire mouth.
*To rinse the nostrils up to the ending of the fleshy part.
*To completely wet the whole body. When one performs these Faraa'id intentionally or unintentionally Ghusl will be valid."

Two Pertinent Questions and Their Answers

* these are excerpted from "Replies to Inquiries abou the Practical Laws of Islam" *

Q 208: Is it obligatory upon women to wash all the hair in ghusl and if the water does not reach all the hair during ghusl does that make the ghusl invalid, even if one know that water has reached the entire skin of the head?

A: As a precaution, it is obligatory to wash th entire hair.

Q 185: When a woman take a ghusl after intercourse with her husband, and his semen remains in her vagina, will her ghusl be valid if the semen were to come out after ghusl? And is the semen that comes out later clean or najis?

A: The semen that comes out from her is najis at all times. However, if the discharge from her after ghusl is the man's semen, she is not required to take ghusl another time.

Nikah Story #2

2009-01-24T06:33:00.000-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Below is the story of another sister's marriage inshAllah. She tells us the story of how, after loosing her very best friend, she spiraled out of control for awhile in an attempt to convince herself nothing had really happened. SubhanAllah, Allah swt led this sister back to the Right Path and rewarded her with a pious husband as well. InshAllah each day of her marriage brings her closer to Allah swt and Jannah.

I'd like to thank Naz for asking her cousin to allow me to post her story. The story is also available on Naz's blog as well, so inshAllah there are many opportunities for this couple to receive many duas. May Allah swt bless them with happiness, ameen.

"I was living with my mother and step father and siblings and attending university and led quiet a good life. I was good with my studies and did well as well as making many friends at university when my best friend went on holiday to her home country and was in a car accident (which was not her fault) and my whole life seemed to become bleak and miserable after losing a trusted and good friend. She was almost one of the family since a lot of my time was spent with her... after the initial shock and sadness it seemed I had much more time to fill without my Best friend and I seemed to miss odd things about her.

My Iman was not that high and I was not really a practicing Muslimah. With my mother being a Doctor and my stepfather an Engineer (as well as owning different properties in our home country) I led quiet a privileged life (we even had maids) and I was definitely not used to trials all this made losing my best friend THAT much harder I decided the best thing to do was to pretend nothing had happened-- which is obviously not easy. And at university its not that hard to get in with the wrong crowd and end up doing all the wrong things.

Shortly after I had made my what seemed (at the time) a good decision to forget my worries and have some “fun” the student union organised some sort of party (they always have a reason for one) I ended up trying cigarettes and smoking and although I didn’t like it, and knew all the health problems it could create (that’s what happens when your mums a doc) I wasn’t the least bit fazed and seemed intent on hurting my self. I am so glad though I drew the line at alcohol as I believed it could lead to funny business with males (I was doing the whole feminist thing and believed I hated all men) during my weird phase I started lying to my sisters about why I smelled of cigarettes all the time (it only led them to spy on me) and the closest person to me at that time was my brother. I love my brother and he seems to understand everyone (he is not perfect but he is definitely not a hypocrite or a judgemental guy) and he was the only person I told my problems to at the time I also seemed to have many disagreements with my mother though if there is one boundary no one in our family would ever cross it is with parents and therefore it was never really an issue.

Meanwhile things at university had changed Due to my best friend’s absence from the Dunya there was room for one more student in one of my classes and I hated him first because it seemed to me he had gained something from my loss and second because I was sure I detested all Males especially those who “advised” me.

Thing kept happening and it seemed I couldn’t avoid this guy (due to being in my classes) and the fact that HE didn’t seem to want to avoid me.MashAllah he was good-looking to me and he had nice manners he also prayed and fasted and it didn’t seem to bother him when people were doing “fun” things and he was no where to be seen afterwards we started speaking more and I finally gave in and gave him my msn.

We kept talking and got to know each other and I actually began to trust him and confide in him (to an extent). Like I said he seemed like a good guy and I found out my little sister (well not so little really) was friends with his little sister (background check all finished) and I knew my family would approve but of course I was sure I had my entire life planned out and there was no time to get married in the middle of university and with so many other “inconveniences” that I went really strange and completely horrible to everyone I saw (the guy included) afterwards I decided I would let Allah tell me what to do and I would stop planning my whole life out because I cant control destiny and finally after much thinking and talking we decided we would get engaged have a wedding (the party) finish university due to the “dating whilst married thing” and move in after uni seemed like a plan and his parents met my parents and the fact that they already knew each other ( we didn’t know that) made everything THAT much easier the only slight negative is because my family is really big and well known etc they insisted on a really huge wedding and no money was spared and it wasn’t very Islamic either but I had a great time and we went on a month long honeymoon cruise (you would never believe what strange things occurred on that cruise with other couples ) and got back to our lives

And now alhamdulilah so far so good

I'm sorry its so long and I wouldn’t really like to share my pictures I hope you don’t mind
But there's my story!

Your sister in islam."

Nikah Story #1

2009-01-22T06:26:00.006-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Here is the first nikah story sent in!
MasAllah it's very cute. It's the tale of an arranged marriage by a young and newly graduated Muslimah. The sender would like to remain Anonymous, so let's just call her "Alraaz" (mystery). MasAllah Alraaz really knew what she was looking for in her Mr. Right and preserved until she was rewarded. They will inshAllah be married in a few months! May Allah swt reward them both with happiness and Jannah, ameen.

I am a 23 year old Muslima. My parents began looking out a guy for me since I graduated two years back. But none of them worked out. They gave me total freedom to choose whom I liked, sometimes I rejected or I got rejected. A tough phase that was. But then you get used to it as it is just another phase of life.

Since mine was going to be an arranged marriage and we are settled in another country than our native place, it was difficult to find someone who was originally from my country. So we had to resort to matrimonial websites to check potential matches for me. Somehow my heart always said that my partner would never be on any of these sites. Yet we checked and rarely found anything interesting as I was very particular I needed someone who was from my native place no matter where in the world he was settled in. That made things tough. I saw my friends getting married and girls younger to me getting married or engaged. That was really tough on my parents as people would pass rude remarks without even thinking how the other person may take it.

My relatives also suggested potential grooms for me, and one fine day there was a proposal for me via a close relative of mine. The relative knew the groom's family very well as they were far relatives. So this ruled out the background checking that is generally done for arranged marriages. So it was now left to us, the guy and girl to get to know each other and see if they liked each other. Since the guy was again settled in another country but a few hours from where I stay we had to meet each other electronically. We exchanged pics first and then had online chat (text only, no voice or video) until we got to know a bit about each other. We chatted for few hours for around 3 days and the 4th day it was decided that the guy and his family would come down to see me.

Seeing me was just a formality for the family as they had already confirmed they liked me through pics, but we (the guy and girl) needed to meet each other in person too before we gave our final answer. So on the fourth day they flew down, all these days were nerve racking for me. We got a chance to speak, but with elders around. And once our families took our opinions in private as to if we liked each other and we both said yes, it was decided we would be engaged the same day. The engagement was confirmed when they put on a piece of jewellry for me. It all happened too fast, even when I look back now I think, "God, did I really get engaged in few days?"

But when it happens you will know in your heart, yes this is right.

This was what I was waiting for.

Now that we are engaged and just have a few months before we get married, I feel this is the most difficult phase of all. Lots of expenditure and too much of tension. Please do pray for everything to go well until the D-day and even after that.

May Allah Bless Us All!

Your Engagement & Nikah

2009-01-21T08:21:00.004-05:00

I was wondering if any of you would like to share your engagement stories and/or nikah photos for everyone to look at or read about. A lot of girls that come to this site are reverts and really curious about nikahs and all that, so I'm sure it'd be really helpful. If you're shy about showing you or your husbands faces in the pictures but comfortable enough to allow me to see them, I'd be happy to edit the photographs so the faces are blurred out for you.

Send them in!

aMuslimWife@gmail.com

by request: polygamy

2009-01-17T01:07:00.009-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Polygamy is a controversial part of Islam, as a Muslim man is allowed to marry up to four wives under certain circumstances. Abuse of polygamy will incur serious punishment on the Day of Judgement, and so it is important to carefully research in what situations polygamy is permissible.

Many Muslimahs have a hard time accepting the permissibility of polygamy. While it is perfectly acceptable for you to decide not to participate in a polygamous marriage (you should make it clear to your fiance before marrying that this is not something you desire, and even if this was not discussed your husband has a duty to ask your permission before marrying another woman), you must realize that polygamy is still halal. The Quran and Sunnah, which I will inshAllah provide for you in order to prove this claim, allow the practice of polygamy and therefore we should not (despite if our personal preference is not to enter a polygamous marriage) spread misinformation and go around declaring polygamy is haram or makruh (highly disliked) when it is neither unless abused. Keep in mind that the Holy Quran states that monogamy is the rule, not polygamy, and polygamy is not reccomended or mandated; polygamy is merely allowed if it is needed.

~*~
I am no scholar but this is my take on polygamy based on my own personal research. As always, I only hope to give you a few tools in order to inspire your own search for the Truth. In Islam knowledge is made incumbent upon us and on the Day of Judgement we will be questioned based on what we did according to what we know. It's not enough to seek out another persons opinion then, and so you should formulate your own based on personal research in order to better yourself. I suggest analyzing Sunnah and Quranic verses on the subject of polygamy with a religious leader as well as picking up books on the subject. May Allah SWT reward you for all your efforts, ameen.

"Under Certain Circumstances"
The Prophet (PBUH), many years after the death of his beloved first wife Khadija whom he had a lengthy marriage of 20 years with, and late into his life (he was about 50), married several women in quick succession of the other. During his lifetime, the Prophet PBUH was married to 11 different women, and 9** wives remained after his death (therefore polygamy is not* considered Sunnah and merely a legal facility when necessary). All these women were the mothers of orphaned children save for three political marriages.

The Holy Quran outlines the cases in which polygamy is acceptable. Some people hold the belief that only the Prophet PBUH had the ability to treat each wife with true equality which Allah SWT commands in a polygamous marriage, and therefore only Our Beloved Prophet PBUH would have been the only man truly able to have a halal polygamous marriage. For people that hold such a belief, it's clear they consider it impossible to treat each women equally, and as the Quran forbids entering a polygamous marriage when this fear is held, it's only natural that polygamy be off-limits for them.

*Sunnah- a sunnah is a model example act or saying that the Prophet (pbuh) did or said in his life, while he recommended or demanded Muslims to follow as long as they are capable of doing it. There is a reward then for those who follow it. Therefore in a sense polygamy isn't Sunnah.
***"O Prophet! We have made lawful to thee thy wives to whom thou hast paid their dowers; ..." (Al-Ahzab 33: 50)
This exemption to only having 4 wives (he wouldve had to divorce 7 of them) was because there was a prohibition in the Qur’an for any Muslim to marry the Prophet's wives once he died or divorced them:
* "...Nor is it right for you that ye should annoy God's Apostle, or that ye should marry his widows after him at any time. Truly such a thing is in God's sight an enormity." (Al-Ahzab 33: 53) So, it was rather inhuman for his wives to be doomed to solitude and depravity all their lives. Thus he was exceptionally permitted to keep them.
Entering a Polygamous Marriage
A Few Don't's:
☻ It must not cause any suffering. A husband, for ex., shouldn't seek a second marriage as a means to "punish" his wife--this is haram--and he also shouldn't force the idea of polygamy where it would not be a positive institution. ☺ The second marriage shouldn't be a means to solve the problems of the first marriage, which should of course be fixed if they exist. ☻Polygamy to substitute a younger wife is an abuse of God's law (Quran 4:19).
A Few Requirements the Husband Must Adhere to:
• he must divide his time evenly among them ○ he must provide separate living quarters for each woman that are reasonable in size for that community and he can't give one wife the best room and say, the other the worst. • financially provide food and clothing and shelter for all women and kids. ○•○ "...Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have right over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their right upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner. ..."

Polygamy Looking at the Quran

The Quranic verse about polygamy was revealed after the battle of Uhud. This was the second battle for the Muslims, fought after the victorious battle of Badr, and at its finished revealed many newly widowed women. Therefore we can easily see one of the allowed instances for polygamy would be in marrying widows of war. A modern day implementation might be for the husband to marry a war widow from Palestine, where women severely outnumber men.

Hadith On Treating Wives Unequally :

Why Women Having Many Husbands Is Not Allowed in Islam

Ali ibn Abi Talib (AS) ordered some cups of water to be brought in and gave one cup to each women. Then he ordered them to pour all the water into a big utensil, which was placed in the middle of the room. When the order had been carried out, he asked them to fill their cups again, but only with the water which they originally contained.

The women said that it was not possible as the whole water had mixed. Ali (AS) said that if a woman had several husbands, they would naturally have sexual connections with her. If she became pregnant and gave birth to a child, it would not be possible to determine as to who was the father of that child.

While today we have DNA testing readily available in a few countries which would eliminate such an issue as described above, this does not make the practice of polyandry permissible by any means.

One of the Quranic verses which infers that polyandry is not halal is Surah Nisa’ Chapter 4 verse 24:

Also, one must consider that since the Holy Quran mentioned polygamy, polyandry would have been mentioned along with it if it were permissible. Instead, it was not, which also serves to reinforce the circumstantial requirements of polygamy.

Beautiful Hijabi Brides

2009-01-16T00:22:00.002-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir RaheemHere are few hijabi nikah pics I think are lovely, masAllah, and wanted to share. InshAllah they can be of inspiration to some of you sisters.

In the above picture, the bride is wearing a lovely beaded gown with a simple al-amira hijab. The undercap of her al-amira is beaded as well, bringing it all together.
Here a little boy leads the bridesmaids and eventually the groom and bride into the walima hall they've rented out, reciting the Holy Quran. The bridesmaids are wearing flowery dresses paired with matching boleros and white, unadorned hijabs.
Like the bridemaids look?
Adopt it for yourself!
I'd opt for a the below dress instead if it's a winter nikah.

Another Beautiful Hijabi Bride

MasAllah

Isn't her dress gorgeous?
The very happy couple.

May Allah SWT reward them with continual happiness, ameen.

Here is her hijab pre-beading and reshaping.

BUBBLES!

Marriage Dua from the Quran

itsy bitsy post

2009-01-12T21:11:00.009-05:00

We've all learned new things about ourselves as the years have gone by. With marriage, we tend to learn a bunch of new things as well that we might've been totally unaware of, no matter how simple. Here's my take on the "10 things" meme that's been floating around, just shortened to 8 things and with a new topic.

While I wanted to fill each bullet of the below list with, "I love my husband," I decided to refrain from the PDA and actually rack my brain for the answers. It was surprisingly hard for me to think of anything. Keep in mind it's 6 am and I haven't slept all night!

Nothing too personal or inappropiate as I think there's a certain hijab to our speech, or here, words.

As for the cover thing below, we've learned no matter how big of a mattress we buy this will not change and our only hope is to each have a seperate comforter, LOL. And the part about bleach, well, I never knew how much I used it and loved its smell until the hubz pointed it out!

My "holy grail" products, favorites, and ones I loathe.

Inspired by the lovely Mona:

The Etiquette of Looking

2009-01-07T01:34:00.005-05:00

Today is Ashura, the 10th of Muharram.

It was on the fields of Kerbala that the family of Our Beloved Prophet, PBUH, were brutally slain one by one and his female family members paraded throughout the streets unveiled. You can read more about the tragic events of Kerbala at http://www.al-islam.org/al-tawhid/ashura/.

May Allah SWT accept the fasts of those of us fasting today, ameen.

~~~~~~~~

The Etiquette of Looking

Among the most serious that a Muslim must become aware of, is to know what is lawful for him or her to look at and what is not. This is more pressing in the case of Muslims who live in a non-Muslim society, where they are constantly exposed to indecent exposures of both men and women, in the streets, television, magazines, etc. Indeed the eye is the window to the feelings, and a lustful look carries the message of desire and fornication. This is why looking at the opposite sex is regulated by the Islamic Shariah, where the rules depend on whether they are Mahram (plural Maharim) or not. This refers to women with whom a man has a specified degree of relationship that precludes marriage.

The Etiquette of Men Looking at Mahram Women

A man is allowed to look at women who are his Mahram, but only at what is usually exposed of their body for the necessity of work inside the house, such as the head, the hands, the feet, the neck, as Allah (SWT) says,

"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and guard their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like palms of hands or one eye or both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer dress like veil, gloves, head-cover, apron, etc.), and to draw their veils all over Juyubihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms, etc.) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband’s fathers, their sons, their husband’s sons, their brothers or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands posses, or male servants who lack vigor, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex…" (An Nur 24:31)

However, one should not look at what is usually covered such as the knees, the breasts, the armpits, etc. This means that the woman should be decently clothed while in presence of her Mahram men.

Etiquette of Men Looking at Non-Mahram Women

It is forbidden for a man to look at women who are strangers to him (i.e. who are outside the Mahram relationship). He should lower his gaze as Allah (SWT) ordered him,

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). that is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do." (An-Nur 24:30)

Adolescent boys (and even younger ones), who can distinguish between a beautiful woman and a less beautiful one, and can appreciate women’s physical attributes, should be taught to lower their gaze. This protects them from getting their sexual desires aroused. It is said to hear people saying that there is no harm in an innocent look, especially in the case of teenagers, with the idea that this may somewhat extinguish their sexual desire. On the contrary, a lustful look may lead to a greater sin, as the Prophet (SAW) said,

"It is written on the son of Adam his lot of zina (fornication/adultery), that will inevitably afflict him: The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the ears is hearing, the zina of the tongue is talking, the zina of the hand is assaulting, and the zina of the foot is walking; the heart desires and wishes, and the genitals affirm or deny."

In fact, lowering the gaze is a good deed a Muslim is rewarded for. The Prophet (SAW) said, "No Muslim whose eyesight falls inadvertently on the beauties of a woman and then lowers his gaze, but Allah will credit for him a worship he will appreciate its sweetness in his heart." (Ahmad and Al-Tabarani)

While the first inadvertent look is no sin on him, the young man should be taught not to follow it with another, as the Prophet (SAW) said to Ali Ibn Abi Talib (AS),

"O Ali! Do not let the second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not he second." (Al-Tirmidhi, Ahmad & Abu Dawud)

The Etiquette of Men Looking at Other Men and Women Looking at Other Women

A man is not allowed to look at another man’s awrah [i.e., his body area from the navel to the knees (these two parts included)] as the Prophet (SAW) said,

"A man should not look at the awrah of another man nor a woman of another woman, nor should a man go under one cloth with another man, nor a woman with another woman."

He (SAW) also said to a man he saw uncovering his thigh,

"Cover your thigh, for the thigh is awrah." (Al-Hakim)

It is clear from this that a man should always cover himself from the navel to the knees in the presence of others, and should not uncover his awrah while swimming or playing sports, or if taking a shower in the presence of others. It is highly recommended to teach boys to cover themselves down to the knees at a young age (from around seven years) so that they grow up with this habit.

This rule applies equally to Muslim women looking at other women, whether these are Muslims or disbelievers. It is regretful that you see a Muslim woman allowing herself to look at a disbelieving woman who is bearly clothed, believing this is allowed. Girls should be taught to lower their gaze when they see such scenes, and should learn to cover their awrah at all times, when they are in the presence of other Muslim women, (the awrah of a woman with respect to other Muslim women is the same as the awrah of men, i.e. from the knees to the navel).

a little thought

2009-01-06T01:58:00.006-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

The Prophet, PBUH, said that:

"None of you is Muslim unless he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself."

Please take time then to make dua for your Muslim brothers and sisters in Palestine and in Baghdad (I know this has received less coverage but still...), as well as across the world. Sadly ('sadly' is not the right word; unacceptably would be more fitting) we live in a time where Muslims are facing a plethora of trials and prosecution globally.

We must consider that Allah SWT allowed each of us life this day and this moment. By Allah SWT's mercy alone, our hearts have been softened to the Truth of Islam. Is it random that you and I and every other Muslim are experiencing this time together? Had Allah SWT so willed, we would have not been permitted this day, and should Allah SWT will it, we will not be allowed tomorrow here on Earth. Does that thought change what this moment is for?

Every breath should be breathed in praise and thanks of Allah SWT, and every moment in action towards the betterment of ourselves as Muslims. You can not stand by then in silence and inaction.

What will you do with your moment?

On the day of judgement, what can you say you have done for your Ummah?

It's struck my mind that, with the number of Muslims around the world, what we could prevent with the littlest bit of united effort. Millions and millions in one voice announcing that, "No, terrorism is not Islamic," and, "No, I will not allow the slaughter of innocents to occur without protest!" It's little wonder that the Prophet, PBUH, encouraged Muslims to build up their community and visit their brethren often. How agonising then is division and lack of brotherhood, in these moments where we watch our brothers and sisters suffer? I belive there is a grave immorality of inertia.

So please, do what we all can at least do: make dua for our Ummah.

Lastly, make an effort to improve your relationship with your community because this is not just about Palestine. This should also be a wake up call to what's happening around you, in your very own city.

Nikah Pics--just for fun :)

2009-01-04T23:45:00.002-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Below are a few nikah photos I thought I'd post for fun, just to depict a few actual nikahs. May Allah SWT reward these couples with happiness and prosperity, ameen. It should be noted that these nikahs are more cultural (Afghan-Amer.) than Islamic in the sense that, for example, the bride is not wearing proper hijab on her big day and so forth.

Enjoy!

Personal Hygiene Made Brief

2009-01-04T15:48:00.001-05:00

Hygiene is an essential part of Islam. In an earlier post, I spoke of cleanliness being half of a Muslim's deen. With hygenie being so pertinent to Muslims, I'm always surprised that the specifics of hygiene aren't made readily available to us to read up on. Many reverts seem to learn of this aspect of Islam long after giving their shahadah, and while all Muslims are inshAllah constantly learning new things about their deen, I feel hygiene should be one of the first things a new Muslim learns. After all, hygiene is something that should be practiced daily. InshAllah this post will shed some light on the very basics of personal upkeep. I encourage you to research further on this matter of taharah (purity/cleanliness).

* Reminder: *

Please remember that this blog is intended for females only.

Allah SWT is well aware of what you do.

Toilet

On my first trips to the masjid I can remember baffled by the little garden watering cans sitting in each stall. I quickly learned that these are for usage in the bathroom.... To put it simply, using toliet paper is not enough. Now if you think about that, I'm sure it makes sense to you why using water is the cleaner option. Imagine using mere toliet paper when cleaning up an infant after changing their diaper.... Dry paper really isn't as clean as a wet cloth, right? Of course, toliet paper may be used in addition to washing with water.

Hair Removal

Underarm and pubic hair have to be removed constantly, as taught by Sunnah. Many hadiths alledge that that the maximum length the hair should be allowed to grow before removal is 40 days. Hair removal from the legs is also acceptable, as is removing excess hair from your face. The manner in which hair is removed is up to you.

Nails

I'm not referring to nail polish being impermissible in order to perform wudhu here. It's Sunnah for a woman to trim her nails instead of letting them remain long. Any of you recall those long, curling nails in the Guiness Book of World Records? I know you love 'em, but they're a definate no-no :P

The Sunnah way to trim the nails can be read here: http://www.islamicacademy.org/html/Fatwa/English/Nails.htm

Wedding Ceremony

2008-12-31T18:21:00.004-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

This post is dedicated to Inspired Muslimah and aims to, inshAllah, outline the very basics of the Muslim wedding ceremony, or "nikah." IshAllah you will find this helpful. I hope to do another post offering some more detailed information, including pictures of other weddings to use as inspiration, when my internet is fixed (it's being SOOOO slow).

What are the very basics of a Muslim marriage?

~ Nikah: a contract (Aqd) between a man and woman who are not prohibited to marry each other (ex., a Muslimah can not marry a non-Muslim). Marriage in Islam is therefore not a sacrament, as divorce is permissible (although considered a last resort). Consent from both the bride and groom is needed for a valid marriage to occur and two witnesses should be present during the nikah.

~ Mahr Gift: This is a gift given by the groom to the bride either at the wedding. Mahr can be gold, a house, or anything the groom gifts to the bride. The bride is to do whatever she wishes with the mahr. The dowry is not obligatory on the bride's family.

~The Wali: Wali in English means guardian or custodian. A woman's Wali in marriage is a person responsible for that sister. If there is none available, then the Wali is the Imam. Although Hanafi school of Islamic law does not make wali's consent a condition of marriage, some of the other Madhabs (schools of thought) say if there is no Wali, then a sister cannot marry. But there are also minority views that say it is okay if the sister directly gives her consent without a Wali. In other words, if there is no Wali the marriage is okay. This is mainly a saving point which brings easiness to sisters who have converted to Islam or those whose families don't accept whom they want to marry. It is also for those where suitable Imams are not present.

~Walima: Walima is Sunnah. This is a feast given after the marriage by the couple, which the husband pays for. Walima is a party of joy for the celebration of the newly formed family and for announcing that this couple are now husband and wife. During the celebration, relatives and friends of both the husband and the wife, as well as community members are invited to get acquainted with each other, to enjoy food and to relax and begin a nice relationship through the marriage.

~Where Does it All Happen?: Islamically, no space is fixed for Nikah, for contract, for wedding, or for the party. Any decent, Islamically acceptable place, house, home is A-OK. This gives the bride and groom lots of room for creativity in deciding how they want to host their special day. Many choose to hold their ceremony in the masjid, and then go to a park afterwards for the Sunnah feast.

The Nikah of Ali (AS) and Bibi Fatima (AS) as a Role Model:

The marriage of the Prophet (PBUH)'s beloved daughter Fatima should be a role model to all Muslims when planning their wedding. Their marriage was simple and ventured away from unnecessary extravangance. Ali ibn Abu Talib (AS) sold his armor to finance the wedding and the mahr gift for a total of 480 dirhams. The equivalent amount is under one hundred USD today!

The Prophet, PBUH, gifted his beloved daughter with a bracelet, two Yemeni sheets, four mattresses, one blanket, one pillow, one cup, one hand-grinding mill, one bedstead, a small water skin and a leather pitcher. MasAllah, how practical and simple! It's unIslamic, in my opinion, to prepare so elaborate a nikah that one would incur debt. Such money should be stored away for hajj, inshAllah, or helping other Muslims by way of charity or other good deeds.

Read this great post from another Blogger for more detail on this blessed marriage by clicking here.

So while big weddings are wonderful, I encourage everyone to remember what the Prophet PBUH told us about the things of this world (i.e. materialism):

"Be in this world as though you were a stranger or a traveler/wayfarer."

Allah says in Surah al-An'am, Ayah 32:
"And the worldly life is not but amusement and diversion but the home of Hereafter is best for those who fear Allah. Will you not then reason?"

1st of Muharram

2008-12-29T16:43:00.003-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Salam Alekium Ladies,

I've finally ( OK so it feels like forever) gotten ahold of internet service, so I apologise for not updating sooner. I moved Christmas day, alhamdulilah, and have been getting things situated in the new house. MasAllah, I love it! InshAllah the cable person will be here to set up the internet, etc., on Wednesday so please check for posts then. I can't wait! I never really realized how much I'm on the net, haha. Oh, I'd also like to apologise to Inspired Muslimah for the delay on her post and let her know it will be the first one I inshAllah post after the net is set up here. I haven't forgotten you, sis! Silly me, I just forgot I'd have to wait for the internet to be set up at the house.

InshAllah you're all doing well!

Characteristics of a Good Wife

2008-12-24T11:17:00.004-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

This post is dedicated to Chloe, a revert who is soon getting married, masAllah! The Prophet PBUH said that marriage completed half of a Muslims deen. Mabrook on such a wonderful occasion! Please make dua for Chloe and her husbands happiness. May they be a tool towards Jannah for eachother and their families, ameen.

****

While the characteristics of a good wife aren't cut and dry, we can find some great advice looking at hadith. InshAllah these hadith and surahs below are a good reminder of some characteristics of the Islamic marriage for us sisters. I encourage all of you interested in becoming better Muslimahs and wives to turn your attentions first to the Holy Quran in study and your questions, inshAllah, to the leaders of your masjid. May Allah SWT reward you for your efforts.

A Few Hadith

Trustworthy & Obedient

~ Ibn Katheer said, "Ibn Abbas said, 'The righteous women are obedient to their husbands (Qanitaat). Also ibn Katheer said, "Imam Suddi said, 'They (good wives) protect their husbands' honor and money in their absence."'

The Reward of a Faithful Muslimah & Wife

~ Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet PBUH said, "If a woman prayed the five prayers, fasted in Ramadan, protected her honor and obeyed her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment): enter Paradise from any of its (eight) doors."

Show Appreciation

~ "Avoid being unappreciative or unthankful to your husband, Allah does not look to the woman who does not appreciate her husband while she cannot stand his departing her." [An-Nasaii].

Importance of Marriage

~ Allah's Apostle said: Ali (AS), there are three matters which should not be deferred: the Prayer when its time is due, the funeral as soon it is ready, and the case of a woman without a husband, when there is a suitable (spouse) for her in her class.

Conceal His Secrets

~ "Among the worst type of people in the sight of Allah (SWT) on the Day of Judgement is a man who enjoys his wife's intimate company, and she enjoys his intimate company, then one of them goes and discloses the secret of the other."

Help Guide Eachother

~ "The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "May Allah have mercy on the man who gets up at night to pray and wakes up his wife to pray, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah have mercy on the woman who gets up at night to pray,and wakes her husband up to pray, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face." (Abu Dawud)

Don't Nag!

~ The Prophet Suleiman (as) said: "A nagging wife is like water endlessly dripping."

The Holy Quran

Devotion

"Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their honor, husband's property, etc). " (4:34)

Guard Your Modesty

''And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze ,'' (24:31)

Remember that your Spouse is a Gift

''And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts],'' (30:21)

Forgive Easily

"It is in keeping with the mercy of Allah that you should deal gently with them. If you were severe with them, or harsh of heart, they would have dispersed from round about you. So pass over their faults, and ask forgiveness for them." (3:159)

A Mother's Advice to Her Daughter

‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you:

‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.
‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
‘The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
‘The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
‘Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.
‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and protect you.”

Something To Ponder

Too many non-Muslims and Muslims seem to think that Muslim women have no right working and aspirations for a higher education or a great career are downright disgraceful and masculine. While I fully support women who do not wish to work, it should be acknowledged that it's a cultural, not an Islamic, conception that women have no place outside the home.

The Prophet's (PBUH) first wife Khadija (May Allah SWT be pleased with her) was his employer (she also proposed to him), and his wife Zaynab worked after their marriage.

A Simple Way to InshAllah Make Him Smile

We all have likes and dislikes. Living with someone, you'll quickly come to know what makes their pet peeves list and what doesn't. What are five things your husband loves, and five things he strongly dislikes?

Make a note of these and get a move on!

At least once a day pick two from either one category or both and let him know you care. For example, if your husband loves your cooking, start making him a lunch for work a couple days a week inshAllah, and if he loathes a certain chore, take care of it for him! You'll soon find that it's the small things that can really let him know you care.

Spoil Yourself!

2008-12-21T12:00:00.000-05:00

A minimum of once a month, treat yourself to a relaxing day. Go all out and spoil yourself! As a wife, you're probably constantly looking after your husband. MasAllah, it is a wonderful thing to do and feels great, but you can't forget yourself! If you aren't sound emotionally and spiritually, chances are you aren't doing everything to your full potential. So make a step towards pampering yourself first. InshAllah you'll soon count it as a "must."

For those of us who are short on funds or just plain hate spending money on themselves, here's a compromise for you! Get a jar and label it, "ME." Put whatever change you can find in the jar and, at a certain day each month, empty and count it all out. Use whatever your total is to spoil yourself!

Five Simple Ways to inshAllah Spoil Yourself

Luxurious Bubble Bath

Bath and Body Works has great bubble baths and bath salts!

Read the Holy Quran

Is there seriously anything more relaxing? Pray a few rakkats as well. There is no better comforter than Allah SWT!

Go get your hands done with henna

You can do this yourself or go to a salon. The salons are nice because they usually have a women's section for getting your hair trimmed! It's nice to have someone else do things for you once in awhile.

Buy yourself a small gift

Be it mere lip balm or Yves Saint Laurent lipstick in the boldest color, it's sure to raise your spirits.

Lavender scented Linen Spray

Nothing is more comforting than diving into great-smelling sheets! This is sure to make you feel like your at some expensive hotel. All you have to do is spritz it on your sheets before throwing them in the dryer, and wa-la!

Date with the Husband

C'mon, like you don't need some husband-and-wife time even on your day to pamper yourself. Go for a short walk or drive and get a smoothie while you talk.

Your Anniversary

2008-12-19T20:41:00.000-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

MasAllah, the anniversary of your wedding marks a very special day where you and your spouse fulfilled half of your deen together. Celebrating this important day in a special way can both bring you closer to each other and present a chance for you to reaffirm the merits of marriage in Islam. It should be kept afresh in your mind however the sentiments behind this day and the purpose of your commenting it. Please take the intuitive to remember and thank Allah SWT for your marriage. I do not believe it is halal to celebrate a day that's become to ritualized... By saying that, I mean when people come to expect gifts and such on this day just because of some mark on a calendar. Your marriage should be celebrated every day, and you should cherish your marriage everyday as well inshAllah. Please consider this merely as a step towards bringing your husband and yourself closer to each other!

InshAllah here are some small tips on how to make your day special for both you and your spouse.

The Prophet (PBUH) said:

"When you marry you complete half your deen."

***

* Take the day off from work to celebrate together. If either or both of you cannot do this, set a date where you can, but make sure to still share a special moment together in celebration. This day should inshAllah make you smile at the love Allah SWT has permitted you two.... Keep that in mind!

* Cook your favorite meal together instead of eating out at a fancy halal zabiha restaurant. Remember what you ate on your first 'date'? Or how about that dish you used to burn and now have alhamdulilah mastered? Treat yourselves by simply taking time to realize how far you've come and how much you've masAllah learned and experienced together.

* Take time to praise Allah SWT for the blessing of your marriage. Read a special marriage dua and pray extra Sunnah prayers together. This should be done first and foremost and throughout the day. If you don't thank Allah SWT daily already, make it a point to do so.

* Present your husband with a gift. You don't have to choose something extravagant to let him know you care. Something as immaterial as a shoulder rub is perfectly wonderful. If there's something he's been eyeing though that you'd like to surprise him with, go for it! Just remember that giving a gift isn't mandatory and the whole idea of them is simply to show him that you cherish him in your life.

Mabrook, Yasmin!

2008-12-18T13:16:00.006-05:00

I'd like to offer a heart-felt congratulations to the very lovely Yasmin over at Through These Muslim Eyes on her recent marriage! Please say, "masAllah," and make dua for her!

Ya Allah, protect their marriage from the whisperings of Satan, and make it a means for them to become closer to You in devotion. O Allah, You are the Loving and the Merciful; please put love and mercy in the hearts of this couple for each other.

Ameen.

eid mubarak

2008-12-07T08:50:00.000-05:00

Happy Eid, Ladies!

May Allah SWT reward you with a happy, healthy one for you and your family.

Preparing for Eid

2008-12-05T09:06:00.007-05:00

No doubt Eid has been on your mind in these past few weeks. From deciding what gifts to give to what to eat, you might've been planning away to make this day memorable. With Eid finally approaching you should take some time to think about yourself inshAllah!

What are you gonna wear?
Will you opt for something modern or traditional this year?

Let's keep in mind what Eid al-Adha is really about, ladies. As a Muslim (not just wife or husband) it's our duty to constantly remember Allah SWT. Let's not forget either what this day is gifted to us from Allah SWT as and work to honor that.

"Surely Abraham was an example, obedient to Allah, by nature upright, and he was not of the polytheists. He was grateful for Our bounties. We chose him and guided him unto a right path. We gave him good in this world, and in the next he will most surely be among the righteous." (Qur'an 16:120-121)

So let's set a price cap for our outfits, for our gifts, and instead spend that extra money where it is really needed. Sure, you'd remember that $150 abaya and you'd masAllah look wonderful, but what about the Muslim child who can't even afford to worry about his Eid outfit? Who has to worry about even finding a bite to eat? Do you think he will pick out this day, among others, as any different? With your help, inshAllah they will. Spend your money where it really matters!

From the Holy Quran:
“And spend of that whereof He has made you trustees.”

(Al- Hadid: 7)

You shall not attain righteousness until you spend out of what you love (in the way of Allah). Allah knows whatever you spend.

(3:92)

Ibn Abbas related that the Prophet said:

Any Muslim who gives a Muslim a garment to wear will be in Allah's safekeeping as long as a shred of it remains on him.

(Ahmad, Tirmidhi)

REMINDER:

Today is the last day I will be taking questions for Rokya (see below if you're confused). Speak now or forever hold your peace :P

Khalwa

2008-11-30T00:57:00.008-05:00

In the Name of Allah, the Beneficient, the Most Merciful

What is khalwa?

"Khalwah constitutes a place of privacy which is not usually accessible to others. A stairwell, room with view into room, etc. cannot be defined as Khalwah. However, for a man and woman to be together in privacy even where they are visible, but are unaccompanied by another person is prone to Fitnah and must be avoided as the third person present there is shaitaan (Hadith*). And Allah knows best."

Definition from: http://www.central-mosque.com/fiqh/khalwa.htm

From the Holy Quran

Allah Ta'ala says, "Say to the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their modesty. That is purer for them, and Allah is aware of what they do. And say to the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their modesty..." Surah an-Nur, 24:30-31.

A Look Into Hadith

*The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, says, "A man and woman do not remain alone in privacy except that the third amongst them is shaytan," Tirmidhi.

*A Ranting Side Note*

I had a bad experience recently. I just want to remind everyone that there is more to hijab than a scarf on your head! What do you do in such a situation when a woman, wearing hijab, lacks hijab of the eyes? Tsk, tsk!

*I removed my former rant because, while I do not believe it was unlawful as non of you are aware of her identity and she's not aware of the blog, I felt that I should try to conceal her sin. I do not mean that I should IGNORE it, but if it has not been aired here and was a shame she aired it herself already, I don't want to further expose it... It's better that I leave my rant at this, where you still get the message but less detail, because my message was the signifigant thing anyway!

Please make dua for all our Muslim Brothers and Sisters, that they become more pious and adherent to their faith inshAllah.

Dua for Our Unmarried Sisters

2008-11-26T01:11:00.005-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

InshAllah, Remember that...

"Betrothal, whatever the punctilious signs it may put on, constitutes no more than a promise of marriage. Betrothal, therefore, does not entitle a fiancé to any right other than keeping the fiancée for his sake, in such a way that no one else can propose to her.

In a Hadith, it is stated:

“It is unlawful for a man to make an offer of betrothal to a woman who is already betrothed to another man.”

The most important thing I would like to emphasize on in this regard is that a woman is considered to be foreign to her fiancé until they are married. She can be regarded as a wife only through a sound, legal marriage contract; the main pillar in the marriage contract is offer and acceptance, which has a well-known formula in custom and Shari`ah. As long as the marriage contract has not been concluded, marriage, according to custom and Shari`ah, is not fulfilled, the fiancée is still regarded as foreign to her fiancé; so, he is not allowed to be alone with her nor to accompany her in any travel without the presence of any of her unmarriageable kin like her father or brother. "

ABOVE Excerpted from:

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503543584

The Holy Quran says: "And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing." Surah Nur 24:32

In Tranquility

2008-11-24T20:53:00.007-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

The Holy Quran mentions in the above verse that the Muslim husband and wife are made to "dwell in tranquility" with each other. The Holy Quran also says that, "And Allah has made for you in your homes a place of rest..."An-Nahl:80. Each should work to promote a peaceful ambiance in their home and interactions with each other. I say each because this realistically should be a joint task each spouse works hard towards.

The Muslim wife can do her part emotionally a few simple ways... listening to her husband, respecting him, being there for him, etc. She is both his security and comfort, just as he is hers. She guards herself for his eyes alone, beautifying herself at home for him, and lowers her gaze.

The Muslim wife works towards a state of peacefulness about the house as well. Besides keeping things tidy, she plays a heavy hand in promoting an Islamic home. She can not do everything alone, which is why choosing a pious spouse is made all the more important.

Guide Your Spouse
Striving to strengthen imaan; paying attention to worship and correcting it, encouraging reading the Quran, encouraging your husband to attend Jumah prayers, giving charity, reading books on Islam, helping to choose pious friends, etc.

Remembrance of Allah SWT at Home
Remembrance can be in many forms: with the heart, with the tongue, through prayer, recitation of Qur'an, memorizing adhkaar and using them, discussing Islamic issues, or reading Islamic material. These are things that should occur on a consistent basis so that the angels will come to the home and bring Allah's blessings.

Our Home is a Place of Worship
This means that salah is established within the home at its required time and that members of the family pray in congregation when several are present. The family may also designate a specific area for prayer and maintain its uniqueness and cleanliness.

Read Ayatul Kursi to Keep Satan Away
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu alayhe wasallam, said: "When you go to your bed, recite Ayatul Kursi: 'Allah! There is no god but Him, the Ever-Living, the One Who Sustains and Protects all that exists', to the end, for then there will remain over you a guardian from Allah, and Satan will not come near you until morning."

Teaching and Learning
This is primarily the responsibility of the head of the household who must ensure that he is guiding his family to the correct path, enjoining them to do good, and forbidding them from evil. Attaining knowledge is mandatory upon all members of the family and is the basis upon which Emaan will flourish.

Ex.: A study circle should be established in the home that covers the various areas in Islam and from which all family members will benefit. Children should especially be encouraged to participate since this will establish a pattern for them that will be carried throughout their lifetimes.

Islamic Library

Family members should encourage one another to use these materials on a regular basis, and should be shared with other Muslim families who may be in need of them.

Morals and Manners Like Prophet Muhammad
The Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said; "When Allah wills some good towards the people of a household. He introduces kindness among them." (Ahmad, Sahih al-Jaami). He was affectionate and playful with his wives and children and would help with household chores to case the burden for his wives. Following his example will bring tranquility to the home and help to truly make it an abode of rest.

We Invite Righteous and Knowledgeable People to Our Home
"My Lord! Forgive me, and my parents, and him who enters my home as a believer, and all the believing men and women." 71:28. Righteous people who enter your home will bring many benefits due to their presence and conversations with them. They are more likely to discuss useful topics and may be excellent sources of information and knowledge. We should always make du'aa that Allah will bless us with righteous friends since they can have such positive effects on us.

There are No Evils Within the House

This one is pretty obvious. Things that are haraam, such as movies rated R for nudity, a telephone used for backbiting, etc.

Sorry! 4 Simple Ways

2008-11-24T18:28:00.007-05:00

Never be afraid to apologize to your spouse! Whoever said that love means never having to say you're sorry was way off-base. Imagine never expecting to apologize to the person you'll be inshAllah spending the rest of your life with! Saying, "I'm sorry," may be harder for you than just plowing on and ignoring the situation, but letting your spouse know you are sorry for hurting them is very important.
Here are some cute ways to inshAllah apologize to your husband! Remember when you're apologizing though that your most important message is the apology. The gift and the cute delivery of your message show you care, but don't underscore your motive! Your spouse likely wants to feel like you understood what made them upset. Be ready to really let them know you feel where they are coming from!

~ Photo Album: Create an album showcasing some of the great times you've had together. Make the point that, despite your current dispute, what's important is the good times you've shared. InshAllah you'll album will remain long after your dispute as a positive reminder of the fun times in your marriage.

~ Add a little humor: Leave a disposable camera for him to find. Attach a note that reads, "I'm sorry. Give me another shot!"

~ Card: Write 'sorry' in several languages (the Internet is a big help for this one). At the close of the card say, "In every way I can say it, I'm sorry!"

~ Food: This is one of the best ways to do it! You can send him lunch at work with a little note written in the food or on an attached card. You leave his favorite candy for him to find when he's alone. Or you could surprise him by taking him to dinner at his favorite restaurant or by treating him to his favorite home-cooked meal.

"Whoever is offered an apology from a fellow Muslim should accept it unless he knows that the person apologising is being dishonest." Mishkat al Tabrizi, Vol III Hadith no 5052.

Hasan ibn Ali Talib is reported to have said:
"If a man abuses me in one ear and then apologises to me in the other, I shall accept his apology." Al Maqdisi, al Adab, I p 341.

another little post

2008-11-22T23:20:00.001-05:00

MasAllah I discovered the best Islamic store in my area while driving around with my husband. It's sooo close to his work, yay! I can finally purchase some pretty abayas without having to resort to the internet, alhamdulilah! Even better, I discovered the place just in time for Eid! I'm so happy! I'm hoping to inshAllah visit again Friday and take some pictures to share, but for the meantime, here's my Eid gift list as of yet for my neices and nephews (four in total, masAllah).

My younger sister, though often featured here in hijab, is not a hijabi. Infact, she's not a Muslim either (please make dua for her). I often bring her over my husband's house though or to the masjid. She had a lot of questions after coming into our home that made me laugh. I can remember thinking some of the same things awhile ago! Here's my attempt of creating a small collage for any non-Muslim readers out there. InshAllah (Allah willing), you'll find it helpful in knowing what to expect from the general Muslim household.

The wudu "watering cans" were a source of major questions. For those of you reading that are curious as well, they're used for cleaning in the restroom. After you use toliet you should inshAllah clean yourself with water as it's much more sanitary. Hygenie is one of the most important things in Islam and something I came to admire about practicing Muslims long before I converted. I can already see I've missed a few things such as the "Bismillah" pendant we keep above our doorway and prayer rugs, but here are a few basic items you'll probably see!

What are somethings that are missing above but present in your home?

I'd also like to inshAllah introduce a new blog of mine called, While Eating for Two made especially for pregnant Muslimahs. I'm having a lot of fun with it and hope that it will inshAllah do someone out there good. The best thing about it is that I'm learning more and more with each post, woohoo!

Here I am

2008-11-17T02:30:00.006-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Here I am

All night, a man called "Allah"
Until his lips were bleeding.
Then the Devil said, "Hey! Mr Gullible!
How come you've been calling all night
And never once heard Allah say, "Here, I am"?
You call out so earnestly and, in reply, what?
I'll tell you what. Nothing!"
The man suddenly felt empty and abandoned.
Depressed, he threw himself on the ground
And fell into a deep sleep.
In a dream, he met Abraham, who asked,
"Why are you regretting praising Allah?"
The man said, " I called and called
But Allah never replied, "Here I am."
Abraham explained, "Allah has said,
"Your calling my name is My reply.
Your longing for Me is My message to you.
All your attempts to reach MeAre in reality My attempts to reach you.
Your fear and love are a noose to catch Me.
In the silence surrounding every call of "Allah"
Waits a thousand replies of "Here I am."
~ Rumi

"Therefore remember Me. I will remember you. Be grateful to Me and never show Me ingratitude."

- Holy Quran, Al-Baqarah 2:152

I wore my first chador last week and LOVED it!! I've totally fallen in love with them, masAllah. They're deliciously comfortable and better yet, I don't have to tie up my hair as with other hijabs. That's such a huge plus for me. InshAllah I will be instituting more of these into my daily wardrobe as well as the abaya. I seriously just can't get over them!! Gotta take pics and post them for you all to see, but I don't think you'd understand fully unless you wore one!! Here's a little collage of some beautiful ladies wearing the chador, masAllah:

So cuuuuute masAllah!!

***** EDIT: I just noticed Hijabee posted this same poem above from Rumi as well a few days before me. InshAllah here's her post on it, so please take a look as masAllah it has a lot of really wonderful commentary which to accompany it!

Check it out here:

http://projecthijab.blogspot.com/2008/11/happy-jummah.html

8 Tips Relating to Arguing

2008-11-16T12:44:00.007-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

1. Fear Allah:

It was the noble practice of Nabi (SAW) to conscientise the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Quraan. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.

2. Never be angry at the same time:

Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah (SAW) and sought some advice. Rasulullah (SAW) replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed)

3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other:

Nabi (SAW) said: “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)

4. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly:

Rasulullah (SAW) said, ‘A Mu’ min is a mirror for a Mu’min.’ (Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.

5. Never bring up mistakes of the past:

Nabi (SAW) said: “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah.” (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed). The Holy Quran also calls spouses coverings of eachother in this sense.

6. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner:

Nabi (SAW) confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.” (Nasai Hadith2391)

7. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner:

Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.’ (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)

8. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness:

Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.’ (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499)

Dua for Patience from the Holy Quran

Togetherness

2008-11-15T01:06:00.009-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

After marriage, most married couples forget how to have fun as they did on their first date or just plain forget to date eachother! Some go months without having a simple date, or more sadly, can't even recall their last one. Put that spark back into your married life! Marriage does not mean you stop dating eachother after a few years or after you become accostumed to eachother. Your spouse is your lifelong date, and don't ever let yourself forget that!

A few More Ideas

Get a Milkshake or Grab Coffee Together at a Book Store

Go Berry Picking or to the State Farmers Market

Read Duas Together and Play an Islamic Game On-line

Re-create your first "date" together

Dinner and a Movie/ Movie Night at Home

Give Charity and then go Shopping Together

Make Smores and Watch the Stars

Go Go-Carting or Bowling

Watch the Sunrise Before Praying Fajr Together

Surprise Him

*Got a Phone? Try sending a text/sms to your husband letting him know how much you appreciate him and care for him. Just as this would brighten up your day, inshAllah it will bring some happiness into theirs. If you are unable to text, try leaving a voicemail.

*With a card. Tell him what he means to you and how much you love him! This is especially helpful if you're unable to call or text. Men need to know they are respected and almost like they can be your hero sometimes. It may be easy to look over this when you're so used to each other, but give it a try. InshAllah you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised with his reaction. My husband and I keep each others letters and notes in a special box. I even have the movie ticket from our first date :) These things will more than likely mean even more to you as the years pass on, so don't trash them!

*Dedicate a song to your husband on his favorite radio station (if you believe music is halal). Just make sure he's listening! If you believe music is haram, you can do this: Purchase a book you know he'll read, and slip a note discreetly into a page of the book for him to stumble upon later.

*Has he gotten really enthused by something you saw while window shopping? Leave it somewhere for him to find. You don't need a special occasion--in fact, it will probably mean more if there's no reason at all except to make him happy.

*Have his car cleaned inside and out and his oil changed for him. If you're unable to steal his car away for a few seconds to do this, try getting a gift card. I've never known a guy who wasn't crazy about his car at least being clean.

*Prepare his favorite food or sweet. Try making truffles or order in his favorite take-out. Even give bed in breakfast a try on a relaxed morning.

*Go on a weekend vacation. If you can't go far, just gett a hotel room nearby with a jacuzzi. Dress up nicely and put on makeup for him. Try wearing that perfume you wore back when the two of you initially met, and hey, if his cologne is different too, surprise him with a bottle of the kind you first fell in love with!

The Story of the Butterfly and the Cocoon

2008-11-13T04:23:00.004-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

A Man Found a Cocoon of a Butterfly...

One day a small opening appeared; he sat and watched the Butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther.

Then the man decided to help the Butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the Cocoon. The Butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the Butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened!

In fact, the Butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What this man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting Cocoon and the struggle required for the Butterfly to get through the tiny opening were nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the Butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the Cocoon.

Moral:

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If nature allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. And we could never fly. Freedom and flight would only come after the struggle (Jihad).

Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere.

-Noble Qur'an (2:155)

Truly! Allah is with As-Sabirin (the Patient Ones).

afghan style: quick post

2008-11-11T04:29:00.004-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Afghan clothes are so festive, masAllah!
The lush array of colors just pop out at you. They're so feminine, modest and comfy! Anyone would feel like a queen wearing these. While I plan on inshAllah getting a bunch for everday wear, I think these are especially perfect for Eid. Even better, one of the sites selling these helps aid our Afghan brothers and sisters.

Where Can You Get the Look?

http://www.afghanaid.org.uk/shop.php/

http://www.afgclassics.com/

http://www.zarinas.com/

Making Wudhu on the Go

2008-11-06T09:39:00.007-05:00

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheeem

Above is a very grainy shot of the contents of my purse. My camera batteries ran out on me and instead of waiting until tomorrow, I've resorted to abusing my sister's aging webcam. How fuzzy is that shot, huh? InshAllah you can at least pick out the star of this post: POND'S clean sweep microdermabrasion wet cleansing towelettes.

These are alcohol & oil free, hypoallergenic, safe for those of you that wear contacts instead of glasses, and one of the only things that doesn't destroy my skin. I love all POND'S products and can't really use anything else. Plus, this stuff removes even waterproof mascara. Amazing! So while it's obvious I love this product, you may be wondering why in the world I'm carrying it around in my purse. Do I love it that much it can't leave my side?

For those of us that hold a job, part time or full time, praying on time can be an issue. The majority of us likely wait until we get home and make up our missed prayers. This for me has become enough of an issue that I've decided to experiment with taking my prayer rug and chador to work in order to make namaz on time. I have a few advantages and disadvantages working for me just as I'm sure you do sisters, so let's just try and work over them. Let's struggle for what matters most in our life: Allah's pleasure.

These towelettes will inshAllah make my wudhu stress-free as I'll very quickly and easily be able to remove my makeup for wudhu. For those of you that don't even wear makeup, that's one less step for you! Just jump right in and stick your feet in the sink, hehe! If you won't have time to remove your makeup, pray and put back on your makeup in thirty minutes let me ask you two questions:

Do you need that much makeup?

and

Can you sacrifice a few steps of your makeup routine for an inshAllah even greater reward?

Another thought would be bringing one of those large water bottles to work with you (there's another bathroom usage to this one too!) that way you wouldn't have to risk a co-worker interuptting you on that one if you don't have a private bathroom. Smart Water has some gigantic bottles that would be perfect. You know what, I'm so dragging our favorite gardening utensil to work with me as I get an extra one. I can just imagine my co-workers confusion! At the very least it would present an opening for dawah!
As for those of you that are wondering where you can pray, keep your eye out for a good area. I can easily pray in the back room of my job, or if I were afraid of someone walking in on me and distracting me, an emergency exit. Some break rooms are large enough that they offer plenty of space, especially if you visit them at a low-traffic time. Play around with the idea. The point is that you should truly exhaust all options before throwing in the towel.
Lastly, you'll need to figure out which direction you'll need to face in order to pray. There's plenty of ways to do this. The easiest way in my opinion is found here at this site QiblaLocator.com. I understand you can purchase these for under $5 USD as well.
And if you absolutely can not pray at work, make time to remember Allah swt. Bring the Holy Qu'ran with you to pick up for a few minutes of your lunch break, or any other Islamic work. You can simply read a short dua instead. Just remember to use your time wisely--it always matters.